midwinter

It's a quiet time of year right now. We have no upcoming travel plans, and we are doing our best to tighten our spending. Meal planning is in full force, and we are trying to just get through the winter days, as best we can. Many days at home, often lead me to thinking ahead. This time of year, often has me dreaming of warmer and sunnier days, and so I begin to make my summer plans.

I am so blessed to be able to stay home with the kids. Yes, there are the downfalls of not having the extra income (no big trips, no disposable income - thrift shopping is where it's at!, camping instead of cottages), but for us, the rewards outweigh the consequences, and we are generally, very happy with our lifestyle. Because I stay home with the kids, we have a very flexible schedule and we often take off for day trips, or we can sneak away mid week when Winslow has time off.

While I have moved away from using the term "Bucket List", when it comes to Christmas and other times of year, I still do like to make a "Summer Wish List", because I worry that we might miss something important, and there's only really 8 or 9 weeks of summer vacation. For me, summer is a time to squeeze every last drop, to seize the day.

So, for the sake of day dreaming at the end of  January, here are just a few things on my "Summer Wish List" ...

~ Canoe camping with the whole family at Keji NP.

~ Camping in Cape Breton. It captured our hearts last year, and we're going back for more this year with the cousins!

~ my long anticipated attendance at Land and See. Oh my heart is almost hurting, I'm so excited. I'm so ready to fill my creative cup with fresh ideas, inspiration and knowledge. Also, 3 days to myself (kid free) will be absolutely refreshing.

~ a garden with Spring bulbs, veggies and sunflowers. 

...

And then back to the present. The long days of January, where school is often cancelled and we find ourselves at home, together. It's lovely and challenging all at once. After so many days of painting, building forts, making crafts and baking, I feel like I am running out of creativity in the home and in my parenting ways, not to mention artistically as well. 

Today I found myself really itching to get out of the house with Wesley. I decided that we'd do some errands. Just as we were almost at our turn off to go shopping, I realized that we had time to make it to the babytime at the Wolfville library. We hadn't been there in months, and I wasn't sure how Wesley would react to it (he always takes time to warm up to certain settings). So we found a chair and sat back from the group, but participated from the sidelines. In the end, he enjoyed the songs and stories (and the play kitchen afterwards), and I enjoyed bumping into my mom friends. I really see and feel the need to connect at this time of year. I'm thinking that I need to make this happen more. 

Lately I have been thinking about setting better parameters around our screen use, here in the household. Where I used to be very strict about the amount of screen time that the children got, somewhere along the way, I let go of some of my rules, and I fear that we have gotten to used to relying on them. 

The other day, after too much fighting, some rude behviour and not enough playing, I decided to "ground" the older 2 from screentime for 3 days. Believe it or not, they like the term "grounded", because friends of their had been grounded too. Maybe they like that I am enforcing rules? Maybe it's the fact that they know and like having boundaries? 

So there they were, screen free for 3 days, and right away, I could see that they were connecting better with each other and me. Once their 3 days were up, we had a conversation about how we would put some new limits on how much screen time they get throughout the week, and it made me think, perhaps I need to set limits for myself too.

I have decided to take an internet break for a few days, only allowing myself access to emails (for my photography business), texting (my line to the outside world) and the occasional movie on Netflix (we have no TV). This means, I will not be checking Facebook, Instagram or Pinterest for a set amount of time. Instagram will be the hardest.  I'm gonna put away my phone. I'm  going to pick up my camera, pick up my paint brushes, pick up the phone (to talk on- not to browse). I'm gonna go for walks, have friends over for playdates and coffee, go to the library. 

So wish me luck. I anticipate it being hard. That's ok. I need this.

November wrap up and beyond!

There's so much to catch up on, a month's worth of moments, memories, revelations, lessons.
November came and went quite quickly (as it always seems to do).
We had a short visit over to PEI to see my mom, and that went .... well as expected.
My relationship, history and everything is complicated with my mom. To simplify the whole story, I usually tell people that ask, "my mom has never had very good mental health", but the truth is, there is so much ore to it, and things that I am still uncovering.
It's complicated when I go to visit her, but I do it. I do it for her. I do it for the kids to have some memory of her. I do it for myself too, I suppose. Still, it's not easy.

...

November also brought the first round of illness to our family.  It was a good 2 weeks of the kids taking turns at staying home from school, and myself feeling utterly horrid. Two words, sinus infection. Ouch! Glad that's over.

...

And the end of November brought us one very special girl's birthday. Katia turned 6. Although I said this to her, you've always seemed much older than you are. When you were 2, you acted like a 4 year old... so to me, it was always strange calling her 5, because she acts so grown up and independent.
This year for Katia's birthday party, we held a pretend sleepover party. This meant, everyone wore pyjamas. We had pizza. Did fun "sleep over" games like, Broken Telephone and the Question Ball. We had our teenage babysitter and her friend come to our house and do the girl's nails, and of course we watched a movie and had popcorn. It was the most fun and easiest party we've ever held.
For Katia's actual birthday, we got her a special gift - her own fish! When Noah turned 6, he got a fish tank in his room, and Katia would not let us forget that it was her turn for a fish! So meet her new fish Teal. Her favourite colour!

...

And so that brings us up to December! Wow, I can't believe the holidays are here in front of us.
I am trying to finish up the last of my 2017 photo sessions and then will madly be making some Christmas gifts (note to self, start in the summer next year!).
I'll be honest, at first, the thought of Christmas started to make me feel anxious and unhappy. I was worried that feelings of loneliness and sadness would start to take over. For many reasons, the holidays are not always easy for me. But then, after taking some time to really address some of the reasons I feel this way, I started to look at the holidays differently.
Instead of trying to supress and push away those feelings of sadness, I decided to face them- head on. I wanted to know where they were coming from, and how I could deal with it.
I also decided that for years, I had put a lot of pressure on myself to make the holidays "perfect" (which we all know, does NOT exist). In years past, I would busy myself with crafts and baking and high expectations. I think I thought that if I tried hard enough, the happy and perfect memories would become real. Instead, this lead me to anxiety and stress.
So this year I am giving myself permission to do as much or as little as I want. I am also really asking myself, if what I am doing serves me (not just the kids). There's no use in having a stressed out mom at Christmas. It's just not fun.
So here we are, into December, and choosing only to do the activities that I really enjoy.
So far, we've done: decorate your own gingerbread houses (aka, graham crackers), organizing a caroling party, 

december moments

December is here and I am making sure that I find moments to slow down and enjoy this most beautiful season. 

I have been looking inwards, to try and make some sense of what this season means to me. 

Spiritually, I cannot deny that there is a feeling of anticipation, wonder, renewal and a need for quiet, all in my heart and mind. 

So I make conscious decisions to put down my phone, turn off the noise, and just be. 

At night, I allow myself to feel the darkness, and listen to the little breaths from my babies who sleep next to me. I try to let go of worries. I try to accept and embrace what is. 

In the day, I bundle everyone up, and we head for an adventure in the woods. As we walk further and further, we move away from the development and deeper into the woods. The promise of a hot chocolate picnic keeps the older two in tow. 

At home, I have designated our spare room to my crafting, card writing, and present wrapping. My sewing machine has been a whirring lately. It feels good to know that many of the gifts we are giving this year, are homemade and from the heart. 

In the kitchen we have been enjoying hearty meals by candlelight. Knowing that it is important to come together, to sit, to share, to pause. 

This season, I am letting Christmas be, what it will be. I'm letting go of high expectations and am taking stock of what we have in front of it, and it is more than enough. 

May this season be what you need it to be. 

xox