Katia's Harry Potter Birthday Party

Phew! I feel like I am JUST catching my breath, after this very involved and detailed party that we had for our girl. Katia decided a few weeks ago, after attending the annual Berwick Library Harry Potter party, that she would like her birthday party to be a H.P. Party as well. So right away I got to work!
To begin with, each child walked through our platform 9 3/4 brick wall, to enter into Harry's Land. In the living room, I had created the illusion of letters coming out of the fire place. I used some old stationary I had lying around and fishing line.
Upon entering the living room, each child was sorted into their houses. We had a sorting hat, and our Harry (Noah) reached into a basket to award each child their house patch (Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Slitherin).
We then went into the Great Hall (with floating candles- thanks IKEA), to make our wands. We used wooden chopsticks and twisted hot glue around them to look spindly. The kids painted them. We put the wands aside to dry and moved onto our potions class (crushed bones, unicorn tears and lizard snot - baking soda, vinegar and green dish soap). They also decorated a paper bag, that would later be used for a scavenger hunt . All the kids enjoyed these simple activities.
After this, we took a break for butterbeer (yum!), snacks and cake!
 After the cake was our scavenger hunt. I had hidden 5 owls around the house that had scrolls at their feet (just used stuffies and some of my owl decorations). Each scroll had a visual clue to the next owl. The final owl led them to Honey Dukes, the candy shop! I had emptied our board game cupboard and put white lights inside. Each kid was allowed to fill a bag at the candy shop.

And that was the party! I gave the short abbreviated version here, but as you can see, it was a lot of work! As my friend Leanne said, "you can't half ass a Harry Potter party".
In the end, I'm glad I agreed to do this party. Over the years, I have learned to tone down my parties (I used to go crazy for every party and stress myself out while doing it), but for this one, I reverted to my old ways and went all out. I feel sentimental towards parties that involve children's books. I know that this time is fleeting and we wont have these years for much longer.

a magazine cover, Fall and family first

Nov. 21st, and it feels like forever since I last came here to jot down my thoughts, ideas, notions. It occurred to me this morning, while having my shower, that I really do miss blogging. I miss the idea of having a place to keep all of these special details. My blog is really like my journal, and I like how it helps me work through things. So my goal for the future is to come back to this space, and use it as a way to journal, record and share. 

So here we go. An update of sorts. Let's start with Bella Grace Magazine.
Last month, as I was doing some errands with a sick little Wesley slumped over my shoulder, I walked past the magazine isle at Walmart , and stopped to take a glance. There, out of my peripheral vision, I immediately noticed it. My image, on the cover of a magazine! I picked it up right away, my hands shaking. I started to cry. Tears just consumed me. I was overcome with happiness and shock.
To answer some questions, no I was not notified that my image would be used. Yes, I submitted it to their magazine- with hopes that maybe, it might get used somewhere in one of their publications. It was very exciting for me! So this was a big lesson to me. Try and get your work out there. It just might get on the cover of one of your favourite magazines!
For anyone who reads this blog (is there anyone out there???) You can follow my photography work on Facebook and Instagram, search Johanna Rosolen Photography.
In personal family news, this past month has brought us to the realization that we are ready to make one last move. After many many many late night conversations, Winslow and I came to the decision and compromise, that we would try our best to get a transfer back towards the Ottawa area. It hasn't happened yet, but we are hoping for sometime in 2019.
This decision comes with an intense sadness, in knowing that this beautiful place that I love so dearly, won't be the place where we plant our roots. I truly thought and hoped it would, yet I think I always knew deep down that no matter how wonderful this place was, we miss our family too much-and this is the time to do it. Our kids are still kids, and I want them to have a childhood with their family (my sister, Winslow's family, my best friends). I want them to know what it feels like to be surrounded with family and love.
Just yesterday, I realized that I have been a mother for 10 years. Of those 10 years, I have never had family nearby. It feels like such a huge relief to know that we won't have to be alone anymore. That we will have people nearby.
And so here we are, nearing the end of November. November and December are our busy months in this family. First we have Katia's birthday on Nov. 28th, and then Wesley's birthday on Dec.15th. Throw in some Christmas concerts, a Christmas play at church, hockey (for Katia), basketball (for Noah), photography mini sessions, and 2 birthday parties- and you can imagine how I feel at this time of year. Today I said no to one cookie exchange (they always stress me the $#@* out) and I am also going to say no to anything else that doesn't jive with me. It's just not worth the stress.

I want to share what we did for Katia's birthday, but I think I will make a separate post all together for it. It was too epic, not to have it's own dedicated post.

So there we have it folks. The holidays are on the horizon and I am full on ready for it. The twinkle lights are up- because twinkle lights just make me happier.
Be back soon. xoo

end of an era

I didn't anticipate that I'd feel these many complicated emotions, when I decided that I would stop breastfeeding. It was a decision that I had been talking about for a long time, and I knew it was time. When Wes and I would lay down for a nap or bedtime, it was habit that he would ask for "nummy nas". I would give it to him, and know that he would settle down, and eventually fall asleep.
But over the last month or so, I began to have a real aversion to nursing him. When he would nurse,  I'd suddenly cringe and would want to crawl out of my skin - a sure sign that I was done with this part of our relationship. The problem, is that he was not done with it, and given the chance, would happily continue if he could.
I slowly started cutting out nursing demands. If he'd ask, I'd distract him, and only allow it for naps and bedtime. I admit, I had a feeling he'd cut out naps if I stopped nursing - so that was one reason that I kept on going - it's soften the only chance I have in the day to have some alone time. 
Then finally, a few days ago, I decided this was it. I strongly held my ground and said no to him when he asked, and man it was hard. Tears, sobbing, pleas. I felt so horrible and conflicted. I wanted to soothe him the way he wanted me to, but I knew it wasn't serving me well anymore. 
So here we are, about 5 days in and I feel like we turned a corner. He sometimes asks for it out of habit, but quickly realizes it's not going to happen. We cuddle a lot. We cozy up with Noah's old yellow blanket, that Wes has now adopted as his own. We hold onto his panda stuffy. 
For me, I really didn't anticipate these conflicted feelings. It feels so final. I feels like a chapter has closed, for Wes and I, but also for me personally. As a mother, combined, I nursed my kids for almost 5 years, and now it's all done. Ending this chapter is a reminder that I will never hold a newborn again (that is mine), I'll never feed a baby from my body, ... that I'm getting older. 
The other night, I had a crazy dream. I was with my friend Jenn, who just had a baby. I asked to hold him (as I usually do), and then suddenly I found myself driving away with him. I was stealing her baby! When he started to cry, I debated nursing him- but even in my dream, I knew that was wrong, so I found my way back to my friend. Yikes. If that doesn't scream personal turmoil, I'm not sure what does. 
So here's to that beautiful, tough, hard, painful, exhausting, emotional,  amazing, indescribable time of my life. I will miss it, but I know it is time. 

slow down

It's not uncommon to find one, if not more kids in my bed at night time. This is not just an occasional thing. I always, and I mean always, have a kid in my bed.
It's no secret that we are co-sleepers in this house. Not your jam? No problem. I get it. Half the time, I fantasize about having our bed all to ourselves too, the other half of the time, I pause and wish with all my might that I will always remember what this feels like.
The kids are growing up. It happens. And I know,  I'm not the only parent to feel this - but oh, how it kind of hurts, to realize that time is not slowing down.
I look at Noah somedays, and take in his face. It's changing. He's taller.
He's asking more complex questions. He's able to go to over night camps - like its no big deal. But he also comes back to me for comfort and refuge- and I'm holding onto those moments. I'm making them count.
Katia is my sweet little six year old. Still in the stage of make believe and play. But I look to her older brother, and know that this time is short- and she won't be here much longer. I remind myself to slow down and take her all in. I tell myself to take my time when I brush or wash her hair. I listen at her door, when I can hear her playing by herself with her toy animals - making up stories and names and voices.  Take it in, I tell myself. Enjoy this now.
And Wes, still my baby, still asking for "nummy nas and bubbas" (nursing and his blanket)...yes, he's still my baby, and always will be- but he is growing and changing so fast too. In January, we were worried about his speech - or there lack of. Now there is no slowing him down. A lady at church commented on his vocabulary. He just can't stop with his questions and observations.
Recently the province of Nova Scotia, announced that they will begin a pre-kindergarten program in our town. Wesley will begin school, one year earlier than we initially thought.
While this may seem like a hard pill to swallow, I am also ready for this. It means we have one more year together, to build those foundations, to go to storytimes, to go on nature walks, to cuddle at nap time. I will make that year count.
From a mama that is standing on the cusp of a new stage of motherhood, I'm here to say this.  It's exciting, but it's also bittersweet. The day to day reality of having my kids get older, is that it is getting easier. The hard part, is that when you slow down enough, you can see that it really does go fast. My advice?  Take it all in. The good, the bad, the hard, the tiring bits ... all of it. And slow down. Learn to enjoy play doh and stickers - one day they won't care for it any more. Read to them as much as you can - one day they won't be interested in those books. Help them wash their hair, and brush their teeth. Enjoy the privilege of being a parent, it's a greatest gift there is.

November wrap up and beyond!

There's so much to catch up on, a month's worth of moments, memories, revelations, lessons.
November came and went quite quickly (as it always seems to do).
We had a short visit over to PEI to see my mom, and that went .... well as expected.
My relationship, history and everything is complicated with my mom. To simplify the whole story, I usually tell people that ask, "my mom has never had very good mental health", but the truth is, there is so much ore to it, and things that I am still uncovering.
It's complicated when I go to visit her, but I do it. I do it for her. I do it for the kids to have some memory of her. I do it for myself too, I suppose. Still, it's not easy.

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November also brought the first round of illness to our family.  It was a good 2 weeks of the kids taking turns at staying home from school, and myself feeling utterly horrid. Two words, sinus infection. Ouch! Glad that's over.

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And the end of November brought us one very special girl's birthday. Katia turned 6. Although I said this to her, you've always seemed much older than you are. When you were 2, you acted like a 4 year old... so to me, it was always strange calling her 5, because she acts so grown up and independent.
This year for Katia's birthday party, we held a pretend sleepover party. This meant, everyone wore pyjamas. We had pizza. Did fun "sleep over" games like, Broken Telephone and the Question Ball. We had our teenage babysitter and her friend come to our house and do the girl's nails, and of course we watched a movie and had popcorn. It was the most fun and easiest party we've ever held.
For Katia's actual birthday, we got her a special gift - her own fish! When Noah turned 6, he got a fish tank in his room, and Katia would not let us forget that it was her turn for a fish! So meet her new fish Teal. Her favourite colour!

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And so that brings us up to December! Wow, I can't believe the holidays are here in front of us.
I am trying to finish up the last of my 2017 photo sessions and then will madly be making some Christmas gifts (note to self, start in the summer next year!).
I'll be honest, at first, the thought of Christmas started to make me feel anxious and unhappy. I was worried that feelings of loneliness and sadness would start to take over. For many reasons, the holidays are not always easy for me. But then, after taking some time to really address some of the reasons I feel this way, I started to look at the holidays differently.
Instead of trying to supress and push away those feelings of sadness, I decided to face them- head on. I wanted to know where they were coming from, and how I could deal with it.
I also decided that for years, I had put a lot of pressure on myself to make the holidays "perfect" (which we all know, does NOT exist). In years past, I would busy myself with crafts and baking and high expectations. I think I thought that if I tried hard enough, the happy and perfect memories would become real. Instead, this lead me to anxiety and stress.
So this year I am giving myself permission to do as much or as little as I want. I am also really asking myself, if what I am doing serves me (not just the kids). There's no use in having a stressed out mom at Christmas. It's just not fun.
So here we are, into December, and choosing only to do the activities that I really enjoy.
So far, we've done: decorate your own gingerbread houses (aka, graham crackers), organizing a caroling party,