christmas countdown

 I love the Christmas season so much that I never want it to be about rushing or being stressed out.

I enjoy ushering in the holidays bit by bit, and like to start early on my handmade gifts and cards. 

I planed out our activities weeks ago, looking ahead to the weekends that Winslow would have off and planning accordingly. There are Christmas events that I first learned about in the summer when we moved here, that I am very much looking forward to. Christmas is just a few weeks away, and there is an excitement brewing in our family, as we anticipate such exciting things this coming month. 

Today I am 38 weeks pregnant and am feeling all kinds of emotions about baby coming along. 

Initially, I was worried for this baby, having to share his or her birthday with one of the most special holidays of the year, but I have since come to be excited about having a Christmas baby, and am becoming slightly impatient about when he or she will make their debut. Still, we have some special events (school concerts, plays, the Nutcracker, Winslow's work party) to get through first, and I do hope that baby will wait just until after we get through at least some of those events. 

And while I have been trying to be really on the ball with our Christmas plans, I also have come to terms with the fact that I must be flexible and understanding of my own limits and that of our family. 

I found myself getting very impatient and stressed out a few weeks ago and decided that I needed a reality check. I am very pregnant and with 2 young children for much of the day. Winslow works long hours (12 hrs shifts, if not longer), which means I am on duty for all meals, drop offs and pick ups, homework, bedtime routines ect. I get tired easily and don't have much help or support here (except for Winslow). I don't want to be a mean mommy (which I have coined myself to the kids at times), I want to be a kind and loving mommy, and to do that, sometimes I need to let go of the expectations. Some things are important, other are not. Not all meals will be homemade from scratch, not all promises will be kept. Sometimes tv and movies all morning long are ok.  Basically, don't be so hard on yourself.

So here we are, just 4 weeks away till Christmas. The important things to me are that we learn and observe what Christmas is truly about and that we find ways to celebrate joyfully. Being mindful, attending church, observing Advent, practicing our traditions, and being together. Smiling, cuddling, listening to music, sharing special food, watching Christmas movies, crafting and baking. The rest of the to-dos? Great if they happen ...but not a big deal if they don't. 

xox

are we ready?

Here it goes. Finally, a post where I open the flood gates about this pregnancy, my hopes, my fears, my complaints, because really I haven't said much about it. 

The truth is, is that mostly I've been coasting along. It's been an easy pregnancy (thank God), and I've been busy being a mom to two, so I don't get much time to sit and contemplate much. 

What I do know is that, ready or not, this babe will soon make it's appearance, and while I don't have everything exactly ready like I did with Noah and Katia, my heart is ready, and we are excited to meet her or him. 

Lately I have been feeling super emotional and more to the point, sensitive. Certain comments hit me harder than usual, and it's harder to let things slide off my back. I won't go into great detail, but when people make comments about how helpful their own mothers are to them, it gets to me and I have to hold back my envy. Same goes for any ignorant comments about the refugee crisis, don't get me started. I laid into someone the other night, and had no regrets about it. Case in point? Careful what you say to this pregnant woman. I will do my best to remain rational .... but I can't make any promises. 

Physically, things have finally caught up to me and I am feeling huge. Finding a position to sleep in? No easy feat. I get Charlie Horse cramps at night, and Carpal Tunnel Syndrome in the day. I feel crazy pressure (down there) when I walk around. Oh and did I mention that I feel huge? I'm kinda done with the physical side of being pregnant, and am starting to get those fears, such as, what if this baby is huge? And will I have the energy to labour and birth the baby... I'm so tired, all the time! 

About a week or so ago, I had my Dad come to our rescue and agree to come down before I go into labour to be here with the kids. What a relief this was to me. It lifted my worries and made me feel such ease. I am thankful that he will be able to be here, and that the kids won't have to go to someone's house they barely know.

And so here we are. Just a few weeks away until our due date, and we don't have a car seat, don't have a coming home outfit for the baby, don't have a crib or bassinet set up and don't have a hospital bag packed. We're doing well right? 

xox

Noah took this of Winslow and I. At least the baby has a photo with Mama and Dada together while expecting. 

30 week update

30 Week Update

:: How far along: 30 weeks 1 day today!

:: Total weight gain: 25 pounds...feeling like half of that weight is in my face :O(

:: How big is baby: 40 cm from crown to toe and weighs about 3 pounds

:: Maternity clothes: we are on vacation in Ontario where it is still hot! So capri yoga pants are my fav with a simple stretchy t-shirt.

:: Stretch marks: yes, unfortunately and lots of dry skin

:: Sleep: getting better and Noah has been sleeping better which means less wake ups for us.

:: Best moment this week: having time with just Winslow and Noah and being able to focus all our attention on him. I know it won;t be like this forever, so it's been nice to be able to do special things with him.

:: Food cravings: fruit, ice cream, and I've been really really thirsty for water

:: Labour signs: None .

:: Belly button: flat!

:: What I miss: I'm missing home (Whitehorse) a little bit. I miss the simple living of the North. Ottawa is great but it's big and busy and the people here are kinda rude.

:: What I'm looking forward to: a date night this weekend with hubby!

:: Milestone: It feels pretty awesome that we have made it to 30 weeks and that we have had such a healthy and easy pregnancy this far. Also some good news, I met with the obstetrician a few weeks ago and he gave me the go ahead to try for a VBAC. I've been thinking alot about the type of birth that I hope we will have. It's exciting to know that we are only about 10 weeks away from meeting our little girl!

25 week update

Hi friends,

Thought I'd do a little 25 week update. After some pestering from my sister, I asked Winslow to take the photos of me this week. It seems that the bathroom photos are getting a bit well ... bathroomy shall we say. Nough' said.

So lately the biggest thing going on in my pregnancy are the kicks. I am now seeing my tummy move when I am resting and am feeling all kinds of really strong movement. I like it and am trying to remember how special those feelings are. I remember after Noah was born, that I really missed those feelings and would sometimes even feel phantom movement in my tummy after he was born. So right now I am loving that sensation.

The other stuff going on? Well I have a really sore back because of a pinched nerve. I remember getting my sore back when Noah was a baby and I carried him around a lot in a carrier. Word of advice to my soon-to-be mama friends, wear your baby carefully and properly if you are using a carrier and switch sides often. A year and a half later, I am really feeling the effects of it.

Things are going well, but I have been very tired as of late. I'm doing my best to rest and go to bed early which really seems to help.

Summer is on it's way out the door and I haven't worn a skirt or capris in weeks. As I've said already, our nights are dipping down to 5C and some of the leaves are beginning to change colour.

Soon we will be heading back East for a 3 week vacation to Ontario and Prince Edward Island. I'm dreaming of the moment that my feet touch the sand and salt water in P.E.I. I'm so excited for a restful and peaceful vacation with the whole family.

And that is all for now. Here is my little questions and answers for this week.

xox

25 Week Update

:: How far along: 25 weeks and 5 days

:: Total weight gain: at least 15 pounds ... haven't weighed myself in a while but I definitely look big in the face :O(

:: How big is baby: 15.5 inches and about 1.5 pounds

:: Maternity clothes: mat jeans, lulu lemon pants, sweaters, scarves ... it's getting cold now!

:: Stretch marks: yes, unfortunately and lots of dry skin

:: Sleep: getting better. I am going to bed around 10-10:30 and have had a few nights of full uninterrupted sleep.

:: Best moment this week: attending our friend's Jeff and Leanne's wedding

:: Food cravings: still sweets, fruit and yoghurt

:: Labour signs: None .

:: Belly button: getting flatter and flatter

:: What I miss: not having back pain and when I wasn't so tired.

:: What I'm looking forward to: walking on the beach in just over 2 weeks!

:: Milestone: Not so much a milestone but we've been getting lots of lots of hand-me-down clothes and so I've been doing well at organizing and going through what we want to keep. It's fun getting ready for her to come. Once we are back from our vacation, we will start decorating her room.

a 23 weeks update

So this weekend lands me at the 23 week mark and let me tell you, I am definitely feeling as though I am very pregnant.

It seems that for the first couple of months during this pregnancy that I didn't have many symptoms. I had a few of the usual things, like extreme exhaustion at the beginning and aversions to smells, but that was about it and I felt pretty lucky that I got away with just those minor problems. It wasn't until about 20 weeks that I started to feel really pregnant. Lately my exhaustion has come back, my emotions have been a bit out of wack and my back, oh my back is so sore.

I'm doing my best to stay positive and be as healthy as I can, but to tell you the truth, its been hard. Maybe I'm not doing as much as I should. Maybe I should be sleeping earlier, eating better and doing less. I'm finding it hard to keep up with Noah some days and I just wish I could have a break. (* side note, I'm getting a babysitter this week and am going to get my hair done....that will be a nice break).

Things are good, but I am starting to get very eager and anxious to meet our little girl. Lately, my thoughts have been turning to how the labour will go and I'm hoping and praying that I will have an uncomplicated VBAC. I would like that so much.

I've been talking to friends and reading up on VBACs and have decided that I am going to do everything in my might to have one. Noah's birth was extremely hard on me and I ended up having an emergency c-section after 33 hrs of labour. In the end I felt very exhausted, defeated and at a loss for what had happened. This time I am preparing myself as best I can, so that I know what I can do differently. I know that I have to be prepared for a possible c-section, but I am going to think positively and focus on all the things that I can do to be prepared for a VBAC.

So these days my thoughts are on a healthy, safe and hopefully natural childbirth experience, and the thought of meeting our little girl. I've been feeling all kinds of lovely movement from her and it makes me so excited to meet her.

23 Week Update

:: How far along: 23 weeks and 1 day

:: Total weight gain: at least 15 pounds

:: How big is baby: 11 inches and about a pound!

:: Maternity clothes: tank tops, cardigans, maternity jeans, jewelry and scarves

:: Stretch marks: on my tummy and lots of dry skin

:: Sleep: better this week. Noah has been sleeping better and I am trying to go to bed a bit earlier/

:: Best moment this week: My 4 year anniversary with Winslow. We spent the whole day with Noah doing family things, like going to the hot springs.

:: Food cravings: sweets. baking. cakes.

:: Labour signs: None .

:: Belly button: same as always.

:: What I miss: not having back pain.

:: What I'm looking forward to: holding and cuddling our little baby girl. I can't wait to soak her is.

:: Milestone: If she were to be born today, we would have a 85% chance of survival. We certainly don't want her to be born this early, but it's nice to know.

21 weeks and counting

I thought I'd do a little pregnancy update for 21 weeks of being pregnant. This week I an starting to feel much bigger and I've been really tired. My energy levels are down and I've been very impatient with my loved ones (mainly Noah). I feel bad about it and do my best to keep my cool, but the days are long and like I said, I've been very tired.

The good news is that Noah has been doing really well at playing independently and if I give him enough physical activity and outside time, his behaviour throughout the day is usually much better.

In other pregnancy news, I've been doing my best to go for as many walks as I can. I want to keep in shape and be strong for when I go into labour. The way I see labour is that you need to prepare and train your body for the big event. More on that later. I have some thoughts on how I hope this time will be better than Noah's birth.

So here we go with my 21 week update....

:: How far along: 21 weeks and 3 days

:: Total weight gain: it was 14 lbs...I don't weigh myself often except at the doctor's office

:: How big is baby: about 7 inches

:: Maternity clothes: yoga pants, tank tops (because I am hot all the time), birkenstocks
:: Stretch marks: on my tummy and lots of dry skin

:: Sleep: Not good. I wake up for Noah and I wake up to use the washroom. I seem to be tired all the time. Tonight I am going to bed early.

:: Best moment this week: having some time to myself when Winslow took Noah for the morning. I've been craving some time on my own lately.I also got to go to church on my own which was nice, as I could actually sit and listen to the service without jumping up to get Noah.

:: Food cravings: sweets. baking. cakes.

:: Labour signs: None .

:: Belly button: same as always

:: What I miss: real uninterrupted sleep and my family. I wish I had some help with Noah sometimes.

:: What I'm looking forward to: our end up summer vacation to P.E.I. - my happy place.

:: Milestone: I think that I actually look full on pregnant now. There's no hiding it now. I like this "belly stage"...it's big enough to look like a pregnancy belly but not too huge yet.

happy friday and a 20 week pregnancy update

Oh where are the days going dear friends. It is late at night and it's actually looking somewhat dark outside. I fear that the height of summer has come and gone. It makes me somewhat sad I must say.
The weekend is almost here and we have some fun ideas planned. One includes a day of jam making. Wish me luck. It will be my first time and I'm really hoping that it will work out. Strawberry rhubarb jam is on the agenda. Just the thought of it on freshly baked scones has my mouth watering~!
I thought I'd give a little pregnancy update since it's been a while. I told myself I'd do this more often for our little one's sake. I'm sure she'd like to look back someday and see what her mamma wrote about what it was like to be pregnant with her. So I'm borrowing an idea that my friend Dawn from May All Seasons Be Sweet To Thee has been doing throughout her pregnancy, a little pregnancy questionnaire.
The pictures of me were taken on Tuesday by Winslow. I'm wearing an Empire Cinch Belt that i received in the mail this week, made lovingly by my sister Sarah who lives in NWT. I just love everything about it! The way is accentuates my baby bump, the colours, the love that was put into it. Thank you so much for my pregnancy gift Bear!

So here we go!

:: How far along: 20 weeks on Saturday

:: Total weight gain: 14 lbs

:: How big is baby: about 6.5 inches

:: Maternity clothes: my old mat jeans from my last pregnancy, stretchy yoga paints and Joe Fresh T-shirts, plus a few nicely tailored maternity shirts that my sister handed down to me.

:: Stretch marks: I had them left over from my pregnancy with Noah... so I can't really tell if there are new ones. Basically, yes, all over my tummy and hips. Warrior marks I tell you!

:: Sleep: I should be going to bed earlier but it's so hard with the midnight sun! Plus Noah still wakes up in the night, so that doesn't help either. Haven't had one single night of uninterrupted sleep in over 24 months. I'm surprised I'm so "awake" during the day at all.

:: Best moment this week: feeling her move and kick. It's such a beautiful and personal moment because only I can feel her at this point. It's like a little secret between her and I. Also another great moment was when Noah wanted to kiss the baby.

:: Food cravings: brie cheese, Carr's water crackers and red grapes. A favourite combo of mine.

:: Labour signs: None and I'm glad for it! It's way too early for that.

:: Belly button: it's still there. Not flat yet.

:: What I miss: this week I've really wanted a glass of wine. Winslow and I went out for a date, just the two of us and I wanted a glass of wine with dinner so bad. Guess I'll have to wait a few more months. It's all worth it though!

:: What I'm looking forward to: holding our little girl in my arms and kissing her. Also shopping for baby girl stuff at all the best 2nd hand shops in Ontario come September.

:: Milestone: making it another week. Each week that passes means that she is getting stronger and growing bigger.

xox Happy weekend friends!

pink or blue?

So today was the big reveal of our baby's gender and we thought it would be fun to make a cake in either pink or blue to let our friends know. It was really exciting to make the cake and decorate it so that the inside colour wouldn't show through.

So without any further waiting....here you go....we are having a.....

A GIRL!!!!!!! :O) We are so so excited. xox

so sweet

Sweta just sent me this video and I have to share.

Take a look, it's so sweet.

a cozy place

an adorable mobile made by my bestest friend, Amy.

This past month has been one full of changes. Finally after month of debating, Hubby and I decided that we needed to take a big step and become first time home buyers. It really didn't take long to find the house of our dreams. And soon, once every thing is to my liking, I will post pics of our cozy little home.

Of course the move had to fall right when I am 9 months pregnant, so my hands have been tied and I really haven't been able to do much to help out. Thankfully we are blessed to have family and friends, from near and far who have helped us out in all sorts of ways. We are very thankful for all of the help we have received. Honestly, I don't know what we would have done without everyone's help...a million thank yous are in order!

The fun thing about being so close to my due date though is that I had a really good excuse to put the pressure on hubby to get the baby's room finished, and without further adieu, here are pics of the little babe's room.

..........now, just to get the rest of the house in order.

I love him so much

I have such an assortment of feelings right now. I am now 35 weeks pregnant and am in that place where I am very excited for our little boy to come into this world but scared and nervous at the same time. I feel overwhelmed and yet strangely in control. A host of different emotions, all balled up into one.

I have so many thoughts about becoming a mama.

Like, how will the labour go and will he be safe and healthy (*those are my biggest fears). Also, will we be ready? Materialistically and mentally?

I also wonder, how will I feel about not being pregnant anymore? I know this may seem like a strange thought, but I really think that I will miss the feeling of having him inside of me.

I've heard many many times from different mamas that the second that your baby is placed in your arms that you instantly feel a love that you have never felt before. That emotions you never knew you had come out. I also hear that you won't believe how fast they grow. That they go from being a new born to a toddler over night and I find myself sad by this thought already. I don't want him to grow too fast. I'm sad that my baby who isn't even born yet will grow so quickly.

Am I crazy to think like this before he is even born? Maybe. But I am emotional right now. Happy and at peace yet overwhelmed and confused at the same time. I make excuses and tell people that it is pregnancy hormones that make me so emotional. But really why should I make excuses for my emotions? This is the single most important event that will happen to me. I am going from being an independent adult to being someone's mother. I am going to be someone's entire world, well for the first part of his life at least. If this thought doesn't blow my mind, I don't know what will.

In the end I don't think I should worry so much about the little things and I don't think I should make excuses for my feelings. I am about to start on a brand new journey. A journey that will change my entire world. And I am ready for it because my heart tells me so.

my life right now

This photo sums up what my life is like right now.

I'm feeling:

• excited. excited for the little babe to arrive. excited for our new home
• chaos. the apartment is in shambles. I would like the baby stuff organized, which isn't gonna happen until we move.
• hormonal. crying. laughing. happy. sad. whoa!
• hot. it's summer and I'm pregnant. 'nough said.

so much on my mind right now

So much on my mind right now and so little time to blog about it. It seems when I am most busy, I just can't find the time or energy to sit down and write about all these amazing things that are happening. But I fear that if I don't stop for a moment and take the time to get these thoughts and ideas down that they will just disappear and I won't be able to remember what this time of my life was like. And really what's a blog for but to share the events and details from your life with others....and so here's what's been happening over the past while. 

For starts I am now 29 weeks pregnant and am truly excited, thankful and in awe of this whole process. As I get closer and closer to my date  I just can't help but feel a mix of amazing emotions and wonder so many things. Like what will our little guy be like? What  and who will he look like? And most importantly, how well will we rise to the occasion of becoming new parents?Life is about to change forever for hubby and I and I know that we are both really excited for it. 

And then as if having a baby weren't exciting and life changing enough, one Sunday about a month ago we decided to go look at houses, "just for fun" we said. Well what do you think happened? We fell in love with a sweet little house and later that day found ourselves making an offer that was accepted. My sister jokingly said, "what's up with pregnant people deciding to move JUST when they are about to have their baby." Seriously! Apparently we like to make things more complicated for ourselves. But at the end of the day we are going to have that home that I have wanted for such a very long time. A home that we can make into our very own. A  home with a garden, a fireplace, comfy reading spots and a lovely park just down street. We will just have to make it work. 

And finally my school year is coming to an end and soon I will be saying good bye to an amazing group of students and an amazing school. I feel so very lucky to have been able to teach at Ancaster High for the past semester and will miss it there so much. I've had so much fun being able to focus on teaching only art and have so many ideas that I hope to share over the next few months.

And so I'm sure you can understand why it's been a busy few months for us. And for some reason I have this sneaking suspicion that it's only about to get even more busy. Above is a picture of hubby and me taken today when we had a lovely picnic with my aunt and her partner. We don't have many pictures of us together, especially while I am pregnant so I am happy that she offered to take it. As you can see I am getting bigger and bigger.

what I'm thinking about at this moment...

• baking this delicious rhubarb streusel bread recipe
  
• using up a pile of over ripe bananas...banana bread maybe???
• big life changes like adding one more to our family, buying a house and basically becoming a grown up
• how I need to get on my painting projects for all the babies that will be making their debuts this summer
• coming up with a list of meals to cook that I can keep in the freezer for when the babe arrives

love is...

Love is when your hubby has to go to Ottawa for business (Hamilton to Ottawa and back again in one day is at least 12 hours on the road) and brings home your favourite pizza! Anyone from Ottawa knows that Louis Pizza on Mc Arthur has THE best pizza in the city. Nothing quite beats it. I always get the vegetarian pizza. The yummy dough is a really rich salty eggy type of  dough. The tomato sauce has a hint of nutmeg (strange but soooo good). This pizza is so tasty that in the restaurant they have pictures on the wall of their customers eating their pizza from different locations all over the world. Seriously people order the pizza, take it on a plane and then take pictures while eating it in places like Japan and the Yukon Territories.

So you can imagine my delight when hubby came home with a box of Louis Pizza just for me. This man sure knows how to treat a pregnant lady!

weekend snapshots

What a lovely spring weekend. Here are some snapshots from a weekend full of road trips, neighbourhood walks and relaxing. On Saturday we drove to Port Dover for the afternoon. We walked around town, took in the beach and had some yummy food. Later on we were invited to our friend's for the first BBQ of the season! Great company, great food, oh and rock band!!!

Today we went to IKEA to buy a bookshelf. We are slowly starting to organize our small space for the beebee. What a perfect weekend!

an ordinary day

What are Saturdays made of around here? Well for us, this lovely weekend day consisted of....  a hair cut for the hubby courtesy of moi. Hubby's Saturday morning basketball game which I watched from the side lines. A drop off to the cleaners for our car. An afternoon of mosaic making at my school which was tons of fun! Think I might have found a new hobby. Some grocery shopping for dinner. What's on the menu? Steaks (sorry to all you veggies out there, but this baby has got to eat!), grilled peppers, mushrooms, onions and some seasoned rice~YUM! 

Really we didn't do anything special or out of the ordinary, but as corny as this may sound, it was just nice to spend time together. These ordinary Saturdays remind me that very soon we won't have the time or energy to pick up and go and more importantly we won't have time for just "us". So I am enjoying every bit of the time we have together and am reminding myself of how lucky I am to have such a wonderful husband by my side.

beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful boy

Everything feels so much more real to us now. This week we found out that we are expecting a little boy....a sweet little boy. We couldn't be more excited and happy. Now that I know who is growing inside of me, I feel that much closer to him. His little kicks and turns remind me that he is there and I find myself talking to him and calling him by name. He is our precious little son and I am getting more and more excited to meet him.

expecting

 

This August we will be expecting our first baby! We are filled with such excitement, anticipation, love and hope.