a moment of clarity

He looked at me with the brightest, most innocent and wondering eyes. "What will I do when I'm bigger Mommy?  He had overheard my father in law talking to me. My father in law had just finished saying, that someday, my kids will be all grown up and will not want to spend their time with me. That it goes by far too quickly. He said this all with a tinge of sadness and longing in his tone.
I explained to Noah what Lolo was saying. That someday, he will be too busy and grown up to want to spend all of his time with me. But all I could see was confusion in his eyes.
"No Mama, that will never happen. I'm always going to want to be with you." he said earnestly. And all I could think at that moment, was thank God.
Thank God, that I have right now. Thank God that it is not the future. Thank God, I have him and all of his attention right now. Right now, my boy wants to be with me and I am thankful that I have these moments, to just be with him.
If this sounds a little a long the lines of Hands Free Mama, that would be because it is inspired by her book. If you haven't had the chance to read this great book and are looking for some inspiration and direction in your parenting journey (or just journey in general), I highly recommend it.
Lately I have found myself to be naturally stepping away from the major distractions in my life, namely Facebook. It started slowly, and it was hard. I'd have to fight the urge to check the internet (as I used to do somewhere near 20 times a day!), and limit myself to short and less amounts of internet time. It scares me to admit it, but I think I was/am addicted to the internet. It is still an ongoing struggle for me some days, but I am happy to report that my outlook on life and direction is more in tune with what I want and need for myself.
Since quieting the distractions in my life I've been able to do more of what is truly valuable to me, and I am noticing how much more happy it makes me. Things like learning how to play the ukulele, painting more, writing letters to friends and taking more pictures (for myself). It has amazed me to see how much more satisfied I feel without the noise and energy suck that is social media.
So what then will I do about blogging? Is blogging an energy suck for me too? Happily, I can report, it is not. Blogging has never been something that makes me feel down about myself. Nor have I ever felt tied down to it or as though I need to check it constantly. I use my blog to record my thoughts, feelings, observations, and the day to day happenings in our life. For now I will continue on my way with it. I have thought about turning my blog into a personal blog (not making it public), and that is something that may or may not happen down the road. I've often thought about the repercussions of putting our life out there in the big wide web world. Not sure how it sits with me. But for now, I am here.
xox

a few details for baby

It seems to me that I haven't posted very much in the ways of details about what our baby's room will look like, so I thought I'd show a few details of her room and talk about a few things that I have picked up for her over the last few months.

One of the reasons that I haven't posted about her room is that it currently acts as the guest room and will be staying that way until after December. We have visitors coming to se us once she is born, like my mom who is coming all the way from PEI to be with us (in just a few days!!! weeee!!!) and my sister Sarah and my sweet baby nephew Bowan. So for us, we needed to keep that room ready for our guests.

The second reason why I haven't done a lot in terms of making it into a nursery is because we know that she will be sleeping in a basinet in our room for the first while and then will most likely join us in our bed when she is a bit bigger. We co-slept with Noah and expect to do the same with her, unless she happens to be a really good sleeper on her own. So really, her room will be used as a quiet space to nurse her, a place to change her, and a place to play and read quietly.

But a few of the details that I have been working on are hanging some fun and colourful items on her wall, like this framed alphabet print that I had hanging in Noah's nursery when he was a baby and these metal silhouette birds that Winslow and I picked up when we were first married.

I also hung up a small print of a lady in a large hat. I think this is a famous image, but I've never known who the artist is or what the title is. It was something that my mom had hanging in my childhood home and its one of the very few things that I have left of our old home, so I wanted to hang it. Plus, I've always found it to be pretty and feminine.

The other project I have been working on is a display of pretty fabrics in embroidery hoops. This is something I had seen done many times on Pinterest, and when I found out we were having a girl, I knew right away that I wanted to do this. I think it lends itself a feminine feel (artsy and crafty) without being too over the top girly.

A few other little goodies that I have picked up along the way....

This beautiful custom made Waldorf doll. I ordered her back in October and hoped that she would arrive in time for Christmas. Obviously the baby won't care about her yet, but I have always wanted a Waldorf doll because they are well made and something that can be passed down again and again. This doll was made by Atelier-Blueberrie, a Waldorf making doll duo out of France. I just received her in the mail today and am so pleased with how she turned out. I was even allowed to choose the colours, prints on her dress, skin colour ect. I wanted her to reflect what my daughter will most likely look like (half Asian), so I chose a bit of a tanned skin colour and black hair. Please check out their Etsy shop.

I have a few other dolls that will be displayed in our little one's room, like these three adorable Russian Matryoshka dolls that I got off of Etsy and these other little baby Waldorf dolls that I have been collecting for a few years.

For her coming home from the hospital clothes, this is what I have chosen and packed away in my hospital bag. When I was down South this past summer, I went a little bit nuts at the children's second hand clothing shops. Where else can you find adorable brand name clothes for just a few dollars? So I picked up this sweet little one piece white knit romper (baby Gap) for just a few dollars. The brown and white hat was Noah's and I still love it, so it is packed away in my hospital bag. I also had my friend, Lindsay, who lives in Ontario knit this adorable sleeping owl hat for me and will definitely be putting it on her when we take her outside to go home as it is so very cold here and of course little babies need to be kept warm. Please check out her Facebook business page if you are interested in ordering a hat from her. She makes gorgeous custom made hats.

And finally a little sneak of where the baby will be resting her head for the first few weeks of her life. This is the basinet that we had for Noah when he was a baby and this is where she will be sleeping too. Right next to me in her little Moses basket. I just can't wait for her to be here now ... oh I'm getting excited. And so that is it for now. Just playing the waiting game and hoping that she makes her debut soon.

When I see all these details together I am kind of happy with the amount of handmade and thrifted items that I have picked up for her. It's a nice feeling to know that she will be surrounded by quality items that were made by hand and made with love or by items that have been given a second chance.

Thank you all so much for all the kind wishes and prayers being sent our way. I appreciate all your comments and love. I am a little bit nervous about the birth because this will be my first time delivering a baby naturally. Noah was an emergency c-section and his labour was very hard and exhausting on me. But the good news is that I am in a really good head space. I have talked with my doctor (who I really like by the way) about all the different scenarios that could play out. I know that I really want to be able to have a successful VBAC and will do everything in my power to make it happen, but at the same time, I am accepting that if it doesn't work out I will be at peace with knowing that a second c-section was what was meant to be.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend dear friends. Be back soon! Hopefully with a baby in my arms while I am typing!

xox