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Thursday, April 15, 2021

the promise

This past winter was an especially hard and long one. 
For so many reasons. 
It was painful and stressful and stretched me into all sorts of uncomfortable positions that I did not like at all. I'm still reeling from some of it. Still looking back ... but also looking forward. 
Like Spring that comes after Winter, I am feeling refreshed and a renewal in my spirit. 
I get out for walks and although I have experienced nearly 40 Springs in my life, this year, the miracle of Spring feels especially important to notice. 
Last November on a rare morning all to myself, I found myself randomly planting tulip and crocus bulbs all around my backyard. It was something I had meant to do in previous Falls, but I just hadn't been able to get my act together. I remember this day well. I had waited a bit too long, and the bulbs had been sitting in my garage for weeks. I knew that if I didn't do it now, it wouldn't happen... again. So I gave myself a hour and went around my back yard, digging tiny holes and planted them, pointy side facing up. I remember feeling unsure about the whole thing. Was I doing it right? Were the holes deep enough? Was it too late in the season? Despite these questions, I took a chance. I just did it. And then snow fell. 
The snow fell and the leaves all left the trees. I began to feel the need to pull back in many areas of my personal life. Things were not going well. 
It was a long and hard winter. The outside landscape matched my inner feelings. It was cold and harsh outside, just as how things felt inside of me. I was not just surviving the season of Winter outside, but I was in survival mode inside as well. But just as I described before, I have been around for nearly 40 years, and if there is anything that I have learned, it is that nothing stays as it is and that I can survive the dark winters of life.
And then, just as Winter began to give way to Spring, things slowly started to light up inside of me too. The weight on my shoulders started to lift, because instead of carrying that pain and stress, I decided to share it with someone that could help me. And we began to do the work. Work on ourselves and on us. And the buds started slowly emerging on the trees, as did the tips of the tulip and crocus bulbs that I planted. Things slowly began to shift, and I felt the miracle of it all, so profoundly.

Tuesday, December 29, 2020

balancing act

 I used to come here to this space almost daily. In those early days of motherhood, I remember feeling a sense of accomplishment and pride, when I would write a blog post, "sharing" what we did all day, my babies and I. 
Blogging was how I "found" many of my friends, when I was at home with young babies, and then isolated in the far remote North. I remember reading posts of bloggers from all over the world, and some of them became real life friends, while others became virtual friends. 
Blogging was a way for me to connect, to archive, to document. It was a way to collaborate. This was all before smart phones and social media. All before we could snap a pic and instantly upload it to see who was liking and following us. Blogging was a digital diary, and it was slow, meaningful and took it thought.
It's been months since I've come to this space. The truth is, is that I have been so incredibly busy with a new school program, that I really don't have much time for slow personal writing. 
Nowadays I spend much of my days at the computer, taking 4 hrs of online classes a day, and then writing essays and assignments. I often fall asleep exhausted and the last thing I truthfully want to do, is to get back on a computer to write or edit photos. That is why it has been quiet here. 
Right now, life is a balancing act and I am the person holding it all together. Somedays it feels overwhelming, but I know that this is important, and I am getting one step closer to my goal of becoming an ECE (Early Childhood Educator). This time next year, I will be finished my program and I'll be able to begin this career.  A career that feels like an extension of being a mother, if I am being honest. Maybe that is why I wanted to follow this path- because my babies are growing up and I am not ready to say goodbye to the early years. 
And so here we are, at the end of very crazy and strange year. For the world it's been hard, for personal reasons, its been hard too. It's the end of a tough year and truthfully, I'm exhausted. This is usually the time of year where I search for a "word" to help guide me through the coming year. I'm feeling pulled towards the word FAITH, faith has lead me through some tough time this year. Faith is also something I am continuously cultivating. 
I will sign off with some images from the last 3 months. I'll try not to go overboard. 
Here's to a happy and healthy New Year. 


Monday, July 27, 2020

Summer Days

This is the summer of COVID 19. We have been given the go ahead to socialize in small groups, to have people over, and to once again return to parks, restaurants and stores. Not everything is return to the old ways, masks have now become mandatory in all indoor public spaces, and we are just starting to get wind of how the coming school year will look. So far we know that students will "bubble" with their classes, and that they won't all have recess at the same time. Classes will be encouraged to take place outdoors as much as possible. Masks will be worn on buses. The cafeteria will be closed. Many changes for what school will look like. I'd be lying if I didn't say that I worry for teachers and students. This will be an added stress put on top of an already demanding job. They will be able to do it, but it won't be easy. Lot's of grace and patience will be needed for everyone - parents included. 

As for us, we are doing our best to spend as much time as we can, doing the Nova Scotia things that we love. This summer was supposed to look different for us. The older 2 were to go to sleep away camp, we had planned a tourist trip to Ontario, and a cottage trip to PEI with my 2 sisters. Of course plans always change, and if changed plans are our biggest problems, then we have it pretty good, but it still makes for a long summer - as the children finished school 2.5months early. This means, we have had 5 months of no structured school or activities. Yes, its a blessing, but it is also a lot of time together (remember we have no extended family near by). 

So day trips have become our "go to" for ways to keep us busy. We've done quite a few beach days, a day trip to the lovely and quaint town of Annapolis Royal, a trip to a fossil beach, a trip to the Museum of Natural History in Halifax, and a camping trip to Rissers Beach. Still on our list: camping at Caribou Provincial Park, a trip to Peggy's Cove, a hike at the Ovens (sea caves), and a last minute cottage trip to PEI. If you have to be "stuck" anywhere in the summer, the Maritimes is the place to be. 

So that is our life in a nutshell right now. Just taking things more slowly (no visitors, no camps, no sports), but also enjoy the beauty of our province and spending lots of family time together. 

Things of you and yours during this time