summer train of thought

Tea with friends. Fires on the beach. Many kms clocked. Jumping in the ocean. Cold prickles all over my arms. Sand everywhere. People who know you best. Changes are hard. Accepting changes can be harder. Ask yourself the tough questions. Summer is fleeting. Grieving what was once. Crying is ok. Back to school shoes. Beginning to plan ahead. Sleep interrupted. Goals and dreams. Overwhelmed and unsure. Tired AF. Envy. Water your own grass. Should we go away? Be intentional. Slow the fuck down. Don't feel pressured. Mint tea from the garden. Chives stored away for the winter. I want slow and simple. My priorities won't change.

=

Happy Fall

So much time has passed since I last came here to write. 
Life has picked back up again, since September came along. School, activities, and a big one - I returned to teaching after nearly 10 years of a break. Of course I volunteered in classrooms, ran playgroups, was a visiting artist over those 10 years, but I am now a substitute teacher and am keeping busy with 2-3 days of work a week. 
This new job works very well for us, for a number of reasons. The biggest one being the flexibility. I can work the days I want, and be home on the days I want. I have a job that I like, but I don't have to do all the prep, assessment or extra work that teachers normally do. So yes, as you can imagine, we are busy. 
The thing is though, I truly am being mindful of this "busy" chapter that we are beginning here. It's very easy for things to become undone, when we all have to be in different places at once. 
I'm trying my best to carve out down time for us all, to manage the commitments, to prioritize what is most important. 

Things that are important to me are: 

~ family dinners
~ quiet weekends (sometimes that means church, a walk in the woods, time for the kids to play with neighbours)
~ connecting with friends for meals, walks, coffee.... real life connection

~ reading, cooking, being at home
~ picking up my camera to document our days and moments

And so here we are in October. My very favourite time of year. Thanksgiving, deep red leaves, crisp days, burnt orange pumpkins. I wish these days would never end, but perhaps there is a short window, so that we know just how much to appreciate it. 


Happy Fall dear friends. May there be many walks in the woods. May you have a cozy sweater to wrap yourself in. May the air smell of cinnamon and wood smoke. Happy Fall. 


xox

this christmas ...

This Christmas I am ...

~ letting go of past hurt
~ only doing the things, traditions, activities that I want to do
~ taking care of myself
~ letting go of perfection
~ embracing the moment
~ not stressing about getting it all done
~ taking time to enjoy our decorations
~ sipping lots of Christmas herbal tea
~ making time to see friends
~ not stressing about having a clean house
~ loving on my family

peace and calm

The days are long, but the years are short. I need to remind myself of this from time to time.

It's been an on going adjustment around here, with Winslow going back to work. There are stretches, where he works long days (12+hrs) for days (or nights) in a row, and as the caregiver in our family, I buckle down and get through those days. 

One step at a time, I tell myself. One thing at a time. One play date, one birthday party to get to, one fight to deal with, one meal to make at a time. We are getting there. We are making it. But, I can tell by my sometimes 8:30 pm bedtime, that I am one tired mama by the end of the day.

This parenting gig is a complex one. 

On one hand, it's demanding and hard. The non stop requests (times 3). Food, bathroom help, clothing help, conflicts between the older two, basic needs from the baby. I sometimes have to remind myself to drink water and eat, as I move from one child to the next. Oh and throw in a dog, and his needs too, while were at it. 

And then on the other side of it, there are the victories, the successes. The moments that make my heart melt. Like when I hear Noah and Katia come up with some amazing game (today they were secret agents, looking for clues). Or listening to Katia singing to Wesley to make him happy. 

I remind myself that each moment is important and beautiful. The hard ones are there, so that I can appreciate the good ones even more. Being an at home parent to three little ones, is tiring and emotional, but as I am learning, it is an opportunity for personal growth, and a true honour. 

During these long stints, while Winslow is at work, I often catch myself making mental notes of how to take care of myself too. I know that I must fill my cup, so that I can be a good parent for my little ones. 

While they may seem like little things, they all add up and make a big difference in how I parent. Things like, preparing and stocking up on healthy snacks to have on hand for when I need healthy energy. Starting off my day with a good meal. Reminding myself to drink more water. Going to bed earlier. Trying some yoga poses, when I find a spare moment in my day. Making the time to talk to my girl friends over the phone, a quick check in. All these little things count, and help.

We are still finding our footing here, and somedays it feels like an ongoing quest for peace and balance, but we are doing just fine. 

*an added note...upon looking at these images once again, I feel a sense of calm and peace, and yet, last week seemed anything but peaceful for me. I took these pictures today, while Winslow was home, and I had an extra set of hands to help out. It sees I am more peaceful and calm, when I have that extra support and help from Winslow. A great partner he is! 

today I am slowing down

I needed to clear my mind.
Overloaded and overwhelmed, my mind was anxious and scattered.
A break. A break from the constant conversations, the debates, the updated streams of information. The sad news, the opinions, the images.
Today I am slowing down.
I am preparing my mind and heart for a quiet season of reflection. I am embracing the safety and comfort of my family and home. I am looking for small ways to find joy, so that I may share joy with my loved ones.

Written snapshots ::

~ A decluttered and clean kitchen can make my heads space oh so much better. A lit candle helps the senses.

~ Storytime. Possibly my most favourite time of day. The three of us in bed, sometimes four if you count Ryder, and we cozy up with a story. Right now it is George's Marvelous Medicine. So silly and full of imagination.

~ A family walk through the neighbourhood. A steady pace with the dog at our sides. Talking about this and that. Looking at other's homes. A feeling of connectedness and finally, familiarity.

~ Finding happiness and joy in the first snowfall. It didn't stick of course, but Katia had to get her coat and mitts and head outside. It made me feel cozy. It reminded me of the North and our sloww and quiet days.

~ A boy, who is six, and is dealing with new challenges everyday. A walk together hand in hand. A cuddle together, after dinner, on the couch, where he shares his struggles with me. He is growing. He's learning. He's tired. It's hard. I am  so proud of him. Life is hard and it won't get easier. He'll have obstacles to overcome, I just hope he'll always want to come to me and talk.

xox

on slowing down, planning ahead, pregnancy and baby!

The house is quiet, it is raining outside, the kids are fast asleep and Winslow is at work. 

I am listening to music, planning ahead to the next couple of months, editing photos and putting my feet up. It is moments like these, where I feel so at ease, for as much as I am a social girl, I do love my quiet evenings to myself. 

We just returned from a lovely, albeit, whirlwind trip to Ottawa for Thanksgiving. The drive there and back is long, and on the way home, it seemed ever so long. We pulled into our drive at 1 am and collapsed in bed, weary and bleary eyed, totally exhausted. 

The next morning was full speed ahead. School for Noah, a field trip for Katia and a prenatal appointment for me. I'm not sure how we all did it, but it was an early bedtime for all that night, 

And now, after another busy day of Scout volunteering, a birthday party that Noah attended and a photo session for me, I am enjoying the peace and quiet of being home. I am declaring that tomorrow morning we do not have to go anywhere or do anything. I am craving an at home morning of jammies, baking and movies. We need a chance to slow down and be at home. 

...

I've been catching myself, multiple times a day, thinking ahead to the next few months. I am excited for Halloween (mostly for the kids), but truthfully, my thoughts are skipping ahead to the months of November and December. For me, those two months bring so much joy and magic to our family, and because we'll be having a little babe join us at some point in there, I want to get a head start on my plans for the holidays. 

In November we have some things to look forward to. A visit with my mom (I will be bringing her over) and Katia's 4th birthday (a Mermaid birthday). In December, we have our favourite traditions, such as Advent, the Nutcracker, cutting down a tree and more. In between all that, I want to get our Christmas cards done, make a few gifts, bake treats, get my shopping done and sent in the mail ... oh my! And a baby fits in there somewhere. 

...

I feel bad for not recording much about my pregnancy with this little one. I think for the first few months, our life was full of so many changes, that my mind was focused on getting us all through our move. When we found out that I was pregnant, we were right in the middle of selling our house in Whitehorse, getting the final word of our transfer, doing a house hunting trip to the East Coast and more. It was easier for me to place my focus on those things, than the pregnancy. It also helped that for the most part, I felt pretty well. 

But now, we are at 30+ weeks and there is no denying that I am very pregnant. My thoughts constantly go to our babe. Who is in there? What will they look like? When will he or she make it's appearance? 

We decided that we would not find out the gender for this baby and I so excited for our big surprise on delivery day! With Noah an Katia, we found out who they were, and that was really special too. I remember planning for them and calling them by name, when they were in me. It was a special way of connecting with them and I wouldn't have had it any other way. But this time, we wanted to experience the surprise of finding out on the big day. I have my feelings that it is a girl, but you never know. 

While we don't have too much to do to get ready for the baby, I do have a few things that I would like to do before he/she comes. A few things I want to do:

~ I need to fill out the baby book that I bought (in Whitehorse!) for the babe. 

~ buy a car seat and find a stroller. 

~ dig out all our gender neutral newborn outfits and find a way to organize them (baby will be sharing a space with Katia .. who doesn't sleep in her room anyways.... yes, it's complicated).

~ find a coming home outfit. I think I want to splurge and get something from here.

~ do some major freezer meal making. So far on my list is: chicken curry, squash lasagna, soups (coconut carrot), meat sauce for spaghetti, and some baking. I hope I can get much of this done in November. 

~ pack a hospital bag. 

And a few details of where we are now in the pregnancy. 

Baby is kicking up a storm (as I type this out). We went to our prenatal appointment this week and heard a loud and strong heart beat, it was of course, a beautiful sound! My sleeping is getting more and more uncomfortable. I find it hard to get into a position that works for us (the baby and I) and just last night, I got up 3 times to go pee! And I swear I didn't drink all that much in the evening. 

I've gained more weight than I care to announce, and really should be more conscious of how much and what I eat ... but sometimes, all I want is treats! I'm trying hard to remind myself that healthy eating is better for both baby and I, so having snacks like cut up veggies, is something I try to do more often.
But you know what? As much as I may seem a little more blaise about this time around, I am really truly relishing these days of pregnancy. No, I don't feel or look amazing, but I am honoured and blessed to be where I am right now. I am experiencing life's truest and most amazing miracle, and I want to remember that.
Chances are very good, that this will be our last addition to the family. So I think it is important to slow down and savour some of this time. Babe will be here, before we know it!

xox

finding the balance

The past few weeks have been a busy time for all of us. With so many new activities, transitions, school schedules and changes, it's been clear to see through our emotions and moods, that it has been a bit overwhelming. We are still adjusting to the changes of living somewhere that is more busy and that has more to offer us, and I am working on finding the balance between a busy family life and a more slow and simple life. 

In the last few weeks, we have added a lot to our days. School, preschool, Beavers, church, visits with new friends, a few school functions. I'm feeling happy about all that we have going on, but also know that we all need to have down time too, so yesterday was about slowing down. 

Noah had a PD Day and I took this opportunity to spend some good one or one time with my boy in the morning. Katia went off to preschool and we decided NOT to let her know that Noah didn't have school (we were certain that she would protest going to preschool if she knew big brother would be home), so we made it look like Noah was off to school by packing his school bag. I felt a tad guilty for sneaking behind her back, but I wanted our morning to go as smoothly as possible, and we've been having so many issues with getting Katia to go to school willingly. 

Noah's one and only request for our morning together, was to make real icky gooky slime, and so that is what we did! I found a recipe online and we went off to pick up the ingredients for it. 

When we cam e home, we made up our slime and played with it for a bit. Noah was beyond thrilled with the results and really enjoyed it. After that, we went up to his room to do some Lego. 

Let me tell you, this kid is in LOVE with Lego, and I am happy to watch him create all kinds of neat creations with it. He gave me some pointers, but unfortunately I just can't think past a box or a simple house. A Master-Builder I am not ... yet at least. 

After our morning together, we went to pick up Katia from her preschool and went off for a picnic (Katia's request) and a walk in the woods. 

Our walk in the woods was just what the Dr. ordered. A good dose of pine needled paths, a beautiful gentle stream, lots of room to run and climb, more fairy homes than we could count, without sounding too cheesy, it felt healing to me to be there. 

So many times while we lived in the North, our daily walks on the trails, were our escape. When we felt house bound, or upset, restless or bored, grumpy ... you name it, a walk was often our only option, but it also became our favourite option. 

Yesterday, upon realizing that we were all feeling maxed out, I turned to our old standby, and it did not disappoint. We spent almost 2 hrs in the forest, and when we emerged, I could see a positive change in our moods. We will definitely be going back, for more adventures and exploring amongst those beautiful old growth trees. 

And to top off our day, we ended it with a nice campfire, out at a 100 year old Scout's Canada Camp. It was the first official campfire of the season, complete with a entering ceremony, chants and cheers, stories and songs. We decided to stay with Noah for the campfire, because it was a ways out, and it made me feel so happy and content seeing our boy, settle happily into his new group. I'm so glad that good organized clubs, like Scouts, still exist. A place where children are taught the value of friendship and being a good citizen. A place where values and morals are modeled and expected. A place where old fashioned games, songs and traditions are carried on. This is a good fit for us.

And now we move on in our week. Still, there is a lot going on, but we are making sure to carve in family time and down time. We are seeking balance, and slowly, it is coming to us. 

xox