summer train of thought

Tea with friends. Fires on the beach. Many kms clocked. Jumping in the ocean. Cold prickles all over my arms. Sand everywhere. People who know you best. Changes are hard. Accepting changes can be harder. Ask yourself the tough questions. Summer is fleeting. Grieving what was once. Crying is ok. Back to school shoes. Beginning to plan ahead. Sleep interrupted. Goals and dreams. Overwhelmed and unsure. Tired AF. Envy. Water your own grass. Should we go away? Be intentional. Slow the fuck down. Don't feel pressured. Mint tea from the garden. Chives stored away for the winter. I want slow and simple. My priorities won't change.

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for sarah

It's taken me a few weeks to gather my thoughts on what happened, when we received the sudden news that my sister was gravely sick. 
In less than 24hrs, we went from thinking that my sister Sarah, had acute pneumonia, to being told that she wasn't going to "make it" through the night, to being told that she had a very aggressive form of cancer. 
When we got this news, Winslow and I scrambled to get me a  flight out to Edmonton to see her. My sister and Dad found flights from Ottawa.  We didn't know if we'd make it in time. 
Upon getting there, we found her in such a scary state. In ICU she was hooked up to so many things, and we were truly scared for her (although tried so hard to hide it). 
I could only stay for 4 days to see her. It was painful to say goodbye, but I left with some peace of mind, knowing that we had time on our hands ... but just how much, we weren't exactly sure.
After 4 weeks of intensive treatment for Sarah, she received the good news that the chemo was working, and that the long term prognosis is good! It's going to be a long and hard road for her, with her treatment lasting at least 2 years, and follow up after that, but she has a second chance, and that is all that we can ask for! She is one of the strongest people I know. She has always had  a strong and determined mind, and I am certain that this is what is helping her fight this beast. 
Lately, I've been walking through my days, with an overly heightened sense of wanting to be present. While I've always considered myself to be a fairly present and grateful person, this experience has had me want to slow down and be in the now even more than ever. I feel like I owe it to Sarah, to truly feel the sun on my face, to smell those lilacs that are growing in my back yard, to make witness to my kids, friends, husband when they ask for me. 
My senses feel heightened, I want to take it in ... but I don't feel the pressure that I used to take it ALL in. I truly am enjoying this newfound permission to move slowly. Camera in hand, all expectations off, and taking in this glorious life (and that means all of it- the good and ugly) that has been gifted to me

connecting

Welcome December! The most magical, beautiful, cozy and kind month there is! December is here, and I am welcoming it with open arms.
I have so many lovely ideas swirling through my head. Gifts to make. Cards to write. Menus to plan. Memories to make with my family.... and I'm really wanting to make this season a meaningful and present one. This year I am focusing on making many of my gifts. A step towards the way I have always felt Christmas giving should be. I'm inspired and can't wait to show my creations!
A few weeks ago, I was in a slump. I'm not exactly sure what brought it on, but I just couldn't feel in the mood for the season. I had conflicting feelings about it all, and truthfully, I felt disconnected from the usual joy I feel around this time of year.
Thankfully, after talking about it with my good friend, I started to find my groove again. I think it was important for me to stop and pause, and take stock of what this season means to me personally, and then to my family.
What I want and what my family (children I should say) are sometimes two different things.
I certainly enjoy the magic, excitement and energy that my children get from the season,  but I also want moments of calm too.
I want to find moments of peace. I want to find moments of reflection. Moments of quiet. Moments of stillness. I think it is important that I find these moments for myself to enjoy during this season too.
Things like: walks in the woods, enjoying a hot and decadent drink, lighting candles, writing cards to friends, crafting and making, preparing warming foods that nourish us. I am reminding myself that what I love best about December and Christmas is slowing it down, and enjoying time with my family, and that is what I am reminding myself to focus on.

...

Life in November brought us Remembrance Day, a birthday (and a party) for Katia, a visit from Nana, busy days of having afterschool kids in the house, our first snow,  a turkey dinner with Nana, some photo sessions, the beginning of Christmas crafting.

I shall leave off with some pictures from the last few weeks.

xox

May we all find moments to take in deep crisp air breaths, and find the quiet that we need.