everyday magic

A New Year is upon us, and it presents us with an opportunity to look back on the past 365 days that we just had. Perhaps the last year brought you hardships and difficult waters to navigate, perhaps it brought adventure and joy. Perhaps it was a mix of everything, highs and lows, ups and downs, good days and bad.
For me, when I take a moment to look back on the last year, I am reminded that while we didn't do a great many BIG things, it was the little everyday things that made our year oh so full and magical.
While we didn't get to go on any big trips as a family,  we adventured instead in our own beautiful neck of the woods- camping, hiking, swimming and eating local.
While we didn't win the jackpot or make a big promotion at work,  we found happiness, fulfilment and gratitude for what have. And boy do we have a lot.
While my husband and I didn't get to go away together, as we have been dreaming about for years, we found ways to make the most of our time together. Little pockets of time in the day, when the kids are at school, or the occasional date night - time we carve out for each other. After all the years, we still love each other and want to be with one another. What's better than that?
And so, here I am to say that life doesn't have to be full of expensive trips or fancy things to make you happy. There is magic in the everyday, and in celebration of that, I am going to list the most magical things that happened to me in the last year.

~ we kayaked on the open ocean. Felt the sea salt water splash in our faces. Bobbed along the water with the seals just feet away from us.
~ I finally hiked the Cape Split trail. Something that had been on my bucket list for years. The view at the end was spectacular.
~ I found sea stars and beach glass with Katia in the city harbour. Treasures, just waiting to be discovered.
~ I poured out my heart to a room full of photography enthusiasts. It was terrifying and liberating all at once.
~ We went camping for four nights in Cape Breton as a family. We saw beautiful coastal scapes, ate campfire spaghetti, had many smores, slept terribly but cuddled together in a tent.
~ I decided to let me hair go grey. No more hiding who I am. No more apologizing for who I am.
~ We rented a cottage in PEI and found it to be the most magical spot. Seals banked on the sandbars, starfish and hermit crabs in the warm waters. Owls swooping overhead at dusk. Coffee on the beach each morning. Heaven.
~ I celebrated 1 year of being sober. I chose to look at my feelings and problems head on. I chose to heal myself, and take care of myself.

~ We planted a little garden box in our backyard and in exchange had many green and yellow beans to munch on. The lettuce didn't do so great, neither did the peppers- but you can always count on the beans- and they taste so great fresh from the vine.
~ Spontaneously, we hired a babysitter, and my husband and I jumped on his motorcycle, like we used to do 14 years ago and went out for Thai food.
~ I held a workshop for creative women to come together and make art, discuss home life, make floral arrangements and talk about photography.
~ We had campfires on the beach with our Ottawa friends. As we watched the sun set, we made sure to give it a big applause. I still remember the sparks flying in the wind and the sound of the waves crashing on the shore.

Happy New Year dear friends. This year, I'm choosing to nurture and cultivate a grateful heart. What magical everyday moments happened to this past year? 

canoe cove

 We just returned from a week in PEI with our family from Ottawa, and from the island. It was everything I always knew PEI to be. 
PEI holds all kinds of memories for me, mostly beautiful memories of my childhood summers, but also some memories of heart break and disappointment. I'm happy to say, this visit was a happy one. One filled with beautiful memories, that we will tuck away in our heart until next time. 
We stayed at a little seaside cottage in Canoe Cove, right on the Northumberland Straight. The water and sands were warm. The tides came and went. We found star fish, crabs and moon snails. We watched seals play in the water and rest on the sandbars. It was beautiful. 
We also made our way around the island, doing the amusement parks and Anne of Green Gables in Cavendish (I don't love amusement parks, but seeing the kids' faces light up was sweet), and doing some shopping at the PEI Preserve Company and in Charlottetown. 
We also celebrated three birthdays while there, Noah, Nanas and Maya's, and we ate plenty of Cows icecream- Apple Crisp is by far my favourite flavour. 
PEI, you were good to us. You gave us walks on the beach, beach glass to find, delicious food to enjoy and so much more. 
Until next time. 
xox

to tuck away

I sit here, a few days after Christmas, with gratitude and an incredible amount of peace and fulfillment in my heart. We have just spent over a week, being surrounded by our family and friends, and having our cups filled up with lovey memories to last us into the New Year.
Last Christmas I found myself, so deep in sadness and I now know, anxiety. I look back now, to what was a very lonely and hard Christmas, and that gives me all the more gratitude for this year.
Is it different because we came here to Ottawa and were surrounded by our support- our people?
Is it different, because we had Winslow home, and I had my partner there to share in the highs, lows and work of the season? Is it different, because I have grown and have learned how to prioritize myself and my needs? I think it's a little bit of all of these things that have made this Christmas a gift for us.
Our time in Ottawa has been a balanced amount of fun, relaxation and adventure. We've tried our best to visit with friends and family, but also make time for naps, walks and the freedom of no schedule.
I've made time to see friends, one on one. To have coffees and walks, to prioritize the people and things that matter to me. When we leave on Friday, I will leave with a full and happy heart.

Some memories that I want to tuck away and remember....

~ Our big family-friend walk at Mer Bleue Bog. I knew that I wanted to see all of my friends and their little ones, but wanted to think of a way that would be easy and very little work. We decided to host a walk around the conservation area, feed the chickadees (out of our hands!), have some hot chocolate and snacks, and to also have a candy cane hunt! It was the best morning ever! We all got out for some much needed exercise and we were free to be as loud as we wanted. And the best part for me, was to see all of my friends and their little ones.

~ Christmas Eve dinner at my sister's house. She is an amazing cook, and we got to be together for a lovely afternoon and evening. Being with family is such a gift.

~ Visits with old friends. The safe and familiar feeling of sharing time with someone you've known a long time. Going for coffee. Late night walks. Trips to the Art Gallery. An afternoon full of coffee, snacks and reminiscing about our university days.

~ Cousins playing. Drawing and colouring. Skating. Games of hide and go seek.

~ Witnessing our family make memories, nurture our relationships and connect. Cousins. Aunts. Great Grandmas. Grandparents.

Some pictures to cap off our time here.
xox

November wrap up and beyond!

There's so much to catch up on, a month's worth of moments, memories, revelations, lessons.
November came and went quite quickly (as it always seems to do).
We had a short visit over to PEI to see my mom, and that went .... well as expected.
My relationship, history and everything is complicated with my mom. To simplify the whole story, I usually tell people that ask, "my mom has never had very good mental health", but the truth is, there is so much ore to it, and things that I am still uncovering.
It's complicated when I go to visit her, but I do it. I do it for her. I do it for the kids to have some memory of her. I do it for myself too, I suppose. Still, it's not easy.

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November also brought the first round of illness to our family.  It was a good 2 weeks of the kids taking turns at staying home from school, and myself feeling utterly horrid. Two words, sinus infection. Ouch! Glad that's over.

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And the end of November brought us one very special girl's birthday. Katia turned 6. Although I said this to her, you've always seemed much older than you are. When you were 2, you acted like a 4 year old... so to me, it was always strange calling her 5, because she acts so grown up and independent.
This year for Katia's birthday party, we held a pretend sleepover party. This meant, everyone wore pyjamas. We had pizza. Did fun "sleep over" games like, Broken Telephone and the Question Ball. We had our teenage babysitter and her friend come to our house and do the girl's nails, and of course we watched a movie and had popcorn. It was the most fun and easiest party we've ever held.
For Katia's actual birthday, we got her a special gift - her own fish! When Noah turned 6, he got a fish tank in his room, and Katia would not let us forget that it was her turn for a fish! So meet her new fish Teal. Her favourite colour!

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And so that brings us up to December! Wow, I can't believe the holidays are here in front of us.
I am trying to finish up the last of my 2017 photo sessions and then will madly be making some Christmas gifts (note to self, start in the summer next year!).
I'll be honest, at first, the thought of Christmas started to make me feel anxious and unhappy. I was worried that feelings of loneliness and sadness would start to take over. For many reasons, the holidays are not always easy for me. But then, after taking some time to really address some of the reasons I feel this way, I started to look at the holidays differently.
Instead of trying to supress and push away those feelings of sadness, I decided to face them- head on. I wanted to know where they were coming from, and how I could deal with it.
I also decided that for years, I had put a lot of pressure on myself to make the holidays "perfect" (which we all know, does NOT exist). In years past, I would busy myself with crafts and baking and high expectations. I think I thought that if I tried hard enough, the happy and perfect memories would become real. Instead, this lead me to anxiety and stress.
So this year I am giving myself permission to do as much or as little as I want. I am also really asking myself, if what I am doing serves me (not just the kids). There's no use in having a stressed out mom at Christmas. It's just not fun.
So here we are, into December, and choosing only to do the activities that I really enjoy.
So far, we've done: decorate your own gingerbread houses (aka, graham crackers), organizing a caroling party,