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Friday, March 1, 2013

on my continued search ...

Yesterday was one of those days with extreme highs and lows. At times I wasn't sure of many things. Am I gonna make it through the day without exploding (and regretting it later)? Why is my son soooooo loud and overly hyper? And why for the love of God, must my daughter cry so much (teething and a stomach bug might be the answer). Instead of being a really grouchy mama, I did my very best to pull it together, simplify and do what was easy. And we survived I'm happy to tell you.
Yesterday involved pulling out some tricks from my sleeve, like a circle time and yoga first thing in the morning, a picnic on our living room floor for lunch, a visit to our local library (where we scored some great books).
Yesterday also involved some not so perfect moments, moments where I felt like I was going to pull out my hair. Trying to make dinner with my crazy/rambunctious/crying children at my feet, cleaning up poopy diaper after poopy diaper, feeling defeated and ready to throw in the towel.
And still, in the middle of the chaos and noise, I looked for quiet/calm moments. Nap time brings a much needed and welcomed moment where I can stop and straighten up the house, as well as my perspective.
In my attempt to simplify and find happiness (and balance), I am learning to say no to the things aren't a priority and it feels good. For some reason over the past few years, I have really stopped listening to my inner self, and have taken on too much for myself (and the family). It feels really good to be able to stand up for myself and say no. I guess I thought that it would really disappoint those who are around me if I always say "no", but really it turns out, that people don't mind so much. I'm proud to say that I am getting over my people pleasing ways (and in turn, doing things because I actually want to do them).
Things are good these days. I am finding the time again for the things that are important to me. Painting, reading, listening to music, reading with the kids. I know this may sound somewhat hokey, but I am really starting to feel awakened from .... I don't know what. I'm feeling more present these days, in the moment (the good ones and the bad). Maybe it's because the light is returning in our days. Maybe it's because we escaped for a bit. I'm not sure exactly, but I feel like a fog has been lifted. It feels good.
Happy weekend dear friends.

 (a thermos of hot chocolate packed up and ready to take to the park on a sunny warm winter day)


  1. Hurray for being able to say no! I am a people pleaser and am always working on finding balance in that area of my life. I just turned down my ideal job for next year, because it isn't coming at the ideal time in my life. I feel sad, but still happy with myself for finding the courage to say no.

  2. You are so beautiful, Johanna.

  3. They're getting so big <3 Miss you, mama!


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