slow down

It's not uncommon to find one, if not more kids in my bed at night time. This is not just an occasional thing. I always, and I mean always, have a kid in my bed.
It's no secret that we are co-sleepers in this house. Not your jam? No problem. I get it. Half the time, I fantasize about having our bed all to ourselves too, the other half of the time, I pause and wish with all my might that I will always remember what this feels like.
The kids are growing up. It happens. And I know,  I'm not the only parent to feel this - but oh, how it kind of hurts, to realize that time is not slowing down.
I look at Noah somedays, and take in his face. It's changing. He's taller.
He's asking more complex questions. He's able to go to over night camps - like its no big deal. But he also comes back to me for comfort and refuge- and I'm holding onto those moments. I'm making them count.
Katia is my sweet little six year old. Still in the stage of make believe and play. But I look to her older brother, and know that this time is short- and she won't be here much longer. I remind myself to slow down and take her all in. I tell myself to take my time when I brush or wash her hair. I listen at her door, when I can hear her playing by herself with her toy animals - making up stories and names and voices.  Take it in, I tell myself. Enjoy this now.
And Wes, still my baby, still asking for "nummy nas and bubbas" (nursing and his blanket)...yes, he's still my baby, and always will be- but he is growing and changing so fast too. In January, we were worried about his speech - or there lack of. Now there is no slowing him down. A lady at church commented on his vocabulary. He just can't stop with his questions and observations.
Recently the province of Nova Scotia, announced that they will begin a pre-kindergarten program in our town. Wesley will begin school, one year earlier than we initially thought.
While this may seem like a hard pill to swallow, I am also ready for this. It means we have one more year together, to build those foundations, to go to storytimes, to go on nature walks, to cuddle at nap time. I will make that year count.
From a mama that is standing on the cusp of a new stage of motherhood, I'm here to say this.  It's exciting, but it's also bittersweet. The day to day reality of having my kids get older, is that it is getting easier. The hard part, is that when you slow down enough, you can see that it really does go fast. My advice?  Take it all in. The good, the bad, the hard, the tiring bits ... all of it. And slow down. Learn to enjoy play doh and stickers - one day they won't care for it any more. Read to them as much as you can - one day they won't be interested in those books. Help them wash their hair, and brush their teeth. Enjoy the privilege of being a parent, it's a greatest gift there is.

midwinter

It's a quiet time of year right now. We have no upcoming travel plans, and we are doing our best to tighten our spending. Meal planning is in full force, and we are trying to just get through the winter days, as best we can. Many days at home, often lead me to thinking ahead. This time of year, often has me dreaming of warmer and sunnier days, and so I begin to make my summer plans.

I am so blessed to be able to stay home with the kids. Yes, there are the downfalls of not having the extra income (no big trips, no disposable income - thrift shopping is where it's at!, camping instead of cottages), but for us, the rewards outweigh the consequences, and we are generally, very happy with our lifestyle. Because I stay home with the kids, we have a very flexible schedule and we often take off for day trips, or we can sneak away mid week when Winslow has time off.

While I have moved away from using the term "Bucket List", when it comes to Christmas and other times of year, I still do like to make a "Summer Wish List", because I worry that we might miss something important, and there's only really 8 or 9 weeks of summer vacation. For me, summer is a time to squeeze every last drop, to seize the day.

So, for the sake of day dreaming at the end of  January, here are just a few things on my "Summer Wish List" ...

~ Canoe camping with the whole family at Keji NP.

~ Camping in Cape Breton. It captured our hearts last year, and we're going back for more this year with the cousins!

~ my long anticipated attendance at Land and See. Oh my heart is almost hurting, I'm so excited. I'm so ready to fill my creative cup with fresh ideas, inspiration and knowledge. Also, 3 days to myself (kid free) will be absolutely refreshing.

~ a garden with Spring bulbs, veggies and sunflowers. 

...

And then back to the present. The long days of January, where school is often cancelled and we find ourselves at home, together. It's lovely and challenging all at once. After so many days of painting, building forts, making crafts and baking, I feel like I am running out of creativity in the home and in my parenting ways, not to mention artistically as well. 

Today I found myself really itching to get out of the house with Wesley. I decided that we'd do some errands. Just as we were almost at our turn off to go shopping, I realized that we had time to make it to the babytime at the Wolfville library. We hadn't been there in months, and I wasn't sure how Wesley would react to it (he always takes time to warm up to certain settings). So we found a chair and sat back from the group, but participated from the sidelines. In the end, he enjoyed the songs and stories (and the play kitchen afterwards), and I enjoyed bumping into my mom friends. I really see and feel the need to connect at this time of year. I'm thinking that I need to make this happen more. 

Lately I have been thinking about setting better parameters around our screen use, here in the household. Where I used to be very strict about the amount of screen time that the children got, somewhere along the way, I let go of some of my rules, and I fear that we have gotten to used to relying on them. 

The other day, after too much fighting, some rude behviour and not enough playing, I decided to "ground" the older 2 from screentime for 3 days. Believe it or not, they like the term "grounded", because friends of their had been grounded too. Maybe they like that I am enforcing rules? Maybe it's the fact that they know and like having boundaries? 

So there they were, screen free for 3 days, and right away, I could see that they were connecting better with each other and me. Once their 3 days were up, we had a conversation about how we would put some new limits on how much screen time they get throughout the week, and it made me think, perhaps I need to set limits for myself too.

I have decided to take an internet break for a few days, only allowing myself access to emails (for my photography business), texting (my line to the outside world) and the occasional movie on Netflix (we have no TV). This means, I will not be checking Facebook, Instagram or Pinterest for a set amount of time. Instagram will be the hardest.  I'm gonna put away my phone. I'm  going to pick up my camera, pick up my paint brushes, pick up the phone (to talk on- not to browse). I'm gonna go for walks, have friends over for playdates and coffee, go to the library. 

So wish me luck. I anticipate it being hard. That's ok. I need this.

growing up

We've had some pretty monumental moments in our household over the past few weeks. The kind of moments that make you pause, take note, and file them away as important memories. 

Each of the children are moving along in their development, and growing in different ways. 

...

Wesley is 5 months old now, and it's a little hard on this Mama-heart of mine. 5 months, is one month away from being 6 months... which is half a year! Please, someone, slow down time for me.

Since Wesley is our last, I want to savour each moment and etch it into my memory. It can be bittersweet to watch him grow. Of course I am beyond thankful that he is moving along in his developmental milestones.... it's just sad to know that this will be the last time I have a baby of my own at this age. 

Wesley is now: 

~ rolling from his back to tummy

~ babbling A LOT

~ sleeping very well at night, right close to his mommy 

~ likes a routine (morning, play, getting dressed, nap, play, nap, dinner, jammies, bed)

~ still is a very good nurser 

~ tasting different foods: avocado, homemade bread, broccoli, chicken. I am pretty sure that we will primarily do baby-led weaning with him, and maybe make up a few pureed versions of what we are eating. 

~ loves to bed carried in his Beco (outwards) when he is awake and happy, and his Ergo (inwards) when he is tired and needs cuddles

...

In Katia's world, a few big things happened this week. She got her school aged vaccines and she got her first very own bike. Two big things for a little girl who is growing up quickly. 

To prepare her for her vaccines, on the advice of another mama, we spent the night before her appointment, playing doctor and practicing what would happen at her appointment. 

We used her favourite stuffed fox, and went through all the steps of a doctor's visit. Getting weighed and measured, listening to her heart, checking her eyes, and getting her needles. We also used Emla cream on her fox, to help freeze the area where the needles would go in. 

The day of her appointment, we used the Emla cream on Katia and on her fox, and got all ready to go to the doctor. Katia was very calm about it and didn't seem anxious at all. 

Once we were there, we waited for a while and then the nurse came along to do her needles. 

First "Foxy" got her needles and band aides, and then it was Katia's turn. Not a peep or a tear from that girl! We were so impressed! 

I really do think that practicing the night before, helped her to feel in control of the situation, because she knew what to expect and nothing was going to be a surprise. 

After her appointment we went off to get a mint chocolate chip ice cream and her very own new bike (it just so happens that this year was Katia's year to get a new bike ... perfect timing!).

...

And my dear boy Noah. Oh this boy sure is growing and changing each day. He has had some growth spurts, but for me, the biggest changes are what is going on in Noah's personal life and his thoughts. 

Something really cool that has begun to happen (that I have been waiting for and hoping for) is that Noah now has friends in our little subdivision who come calling on him to play. 

They sometimes ride bikes,sometimes play lego and often spy on the littler sisters. I love it. I love seeing him open himself up to new situations. To experience a bit more freedom, as he cruises on his bike to his friend's house. To witness this new stage of his life, where he is venturing out a bit more and making new relationships. 

And on a different note, last night, Noah and I had a little heart to heart, when he came to me upset. He confessed that he was worried about what will happen when/if one of us dies (a normal thing for a little person to think about). 

I remember having these same worries when I was a little one, and I remember making a pact with my mother, that we would meet at the gates of heaven one day. I remember. this plan we discussed, brought me so much peace of mind, so when I suggested the same thing to Noah, it was so sweet to witness his worries dissolve, and a peace come over him. He went to bed happy. 

And while I truly do not know where we all go once we die, I do know that my love for my children will go on and on forever and ever. That some how, our spirits will always be intertwined for eternity. That I know. 

xox