summer train of thought

Tea with friends. Fires on the beach. Many kms clocked. Jumping in the ocean. Cold prickles all over my arms. Sand everywhere. People who know you best. Changes are hard. Accepting changes can be harder. Ask yourself the tough questions. Summer is fleeting. Grieving what was once. Crying is ok. Back to school shoes. Beginning to plan ahead. Sleep interrupted. Goals and dreams. Overwhelmed and unsure. Tired AF. Envy. Water your own grass. Should we go away? Be intentional. Slow the fuck down. Don't feel pressured. Mint tea from the garden. Chives stored away for the winter. I want slow and simple. My priorities won't change.

=

centered again

The news had been getting me down. 

Everytime I signed onto Facebook, there were new stories, opinion pieces, blog posts, memes, ect that were bringing me down in my mood and outlook. I knew that I should just tune out, unplug and try to connect with my immediate surroundings... but I couldn't. I was agitated, irritated, and felt sucked in. 

How do I unplug I asked my dear friend Sarah one day. How do I consciously turn away from all this negativity? I am a tender hearted soul, who feels all the feels. It's so hard. 

I started by picking up my camera. It had been raining for days straight, which made it hard for me with the kids, but was such a blessing to the garden. Our beautiful poppies had bursts open, so on the first sunny day, I went out to photograph, their striking blooms. 

The next step, was booking a spontaneous camping trip for Father's Day weekend. 

Rissers PP, a beautiful spot just under 1.5 hours from us, books up fast for the whole summer, but because school is still in, this past weekend had a few open spots. The weather was promising, so we went for it, and booked 2 nights there. 

Almost 3 days on the South Shore (opens out into the Atlantic) at the beach and campground. We brought the camper, the kids bikes, tons of art supplies, organized a yummy menu of delicious food and ventured off. The only rule? No ipads, no Facebook, no movies, no emails. 

On our first night we made friends with an RCMP family a few spots down, and were told that another RCMP family we knew from the Yukon would be coming down too. The kids had a blast playing with their kids, tearing around on their bikes, going to the playground and playing on the beach. 

3 days of family connecting, of being by the ocean, of not rushing anywhere, of eating icecream and chips (oh yes we did!) and a special Sunday of treating Winslow extra special for Father's Day. 

We all came home exhausted, sun tanned and with a sense of ease. It was exactly what I needed to re-boot. 

Now, with myself centered again, I am vowing to make some small changes for myself. 

I am going to make a conscious effort to take breaks from social media this summer, and to work on making better connection with myself and my family. 

I'm going to make more spontaneous trips to the beach, and to get icecream. Pick my camera up when I am feeling down, and search for the beauty that is right under my nose. I'm going to practice more self care and work on practicing my New Year's word, which was, adventure. 

xox

feeling the feels

There is a beach, about 30 mins away from my door step. I just kind of discovered it over the past few months.
One day in early April, I went and it was high tide. And high tide on the Bay of Fundy, means no beach at all. It was windy, and the waves were coming right up onto the boardwalk. It was pretty though.
Another time I went with the kids, but we had to be somewhere else, so we just took a few minutes to check it out.
But last Saturday, I made a calculated effort to gather the whole bunch of us and go to the beach. Calculated, because you really need to look at the tide schedule and make sure it is low tide when you go.
On Saturday, all the stars aligned. Low tide was to be at 8:45 in the morning. We could do that I said.
There was a bit of moaning and groaning from the peanut gallery, but once we were there, OH it was beautiful. And while there, I had so many thoughts run through my head.
Thoughts like, this is our home. This is really our home! This is where Wesley will always call his home and this beach, is our beach!
I also thought about our crazy RCMP life, and how we have called so many beautiful spots in this country our home. I thought about how lucky we've been to see such beauty, to belong to such amazing places, to feel connected to so many different spots.
I thought about Mother's Day. About how complex it all is. About how I fail at motherhood sometimes. About how I succeed at it in other ways. How I want to be a better mother. How I need to be more gentle to myself. How I love my own mother, and how she messed up so bad as a mother. Oh it's complicated this mothering business. So complicated, and beautiful, and hard, and amazing.

...

Lately I've been trying to be mindful of my anxiety. It's an ongoing battle of mine, that I recognize is affecting not just me, but my family. I find being self aware and giving myself words to use, helps. I also find, when I say no to what I cannot do, it helps too. I just know that I have little eyes watching me, and I want to show them a better way of coping with stress. Perhaps more walks on the beach are in order.

xox

on an adventure

My "word" for 2016 was adventure, and while I made a commitment to treat everyday as an adventure, that hasn't exactly been possible. 

There are days where it feels like we are just getting through it. I feel proud that the kids got to school on time, the house wasn't completely trashed, and there is a healthy dinner on the table. Some days, bedtime can't come soon enough. But then there are the days, where from some unknown reserve, Winslow and I find the energy and momentum to go the extra mile and make our day into an adventure. 

I'm not sure if anyone else does this, but I get this strange kind of satisfaction, when I find "hidden gems", nearby to where we live. Maybe it's the "adventure" seeker in me, but I love to discover new spots, but especially if they are right under my nose. 

I remember once hearing about a beach in Ottawa, that was on the Rideau River. It turned out to be very close to my sister and had a cool ice cream boat that you can swim to and buy ice cream. The geek in me was proud for finding this gem, my sister had never heard of it! 

So one night while I was searching for nearby places to explore, I became excited to find out that we had a light house less than 40 minutes from our house. I started to google search it and decided that we would head off to check it out when Winslow had a day off. 

Before leaving, we checked the tide times (low tide is better), packed our snacks, extra mitts and hats and hit the road. Once there, we explored the beach, the waterfall (which will be so much fun in the summer!), and talked to some locals about the area. One woman we talked to got Noah so excited when she mentioned there are legends of pirates having buried treasure nearby! 

Margretsville as it is called will definitely be a place we visit often in the summertime. It had some cute picnic areas, that I know will be a lovely spot to have lunch on a sunny day! 

Oh and while the rest of the family was too tired to check out the light house, I went over with Wesley to see it. It's a sweet smaller working lighthouse, painted white and black. It sheds light out into the Bay of Fundy, and I just loved the weathered, no fuss look to it. A beautiful spot ... so close to us! 

xox