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Friday, April 15, 2011

letting go of perfect

Upon retuning to Whitehorse, I've had a few difficult mamma days, as Noah and I try to get back into the groove of things. Leaving our routine behind for 3 weeks and then trying to come back and restore some order has proven to be challenging and the other day I found myself almost at a breaking point.
Noah had been up since 5am and by late afternoon we were both exhausted. The slightest thing would throw Noah off in a flurry of crying, and myself, I was exhausted and counting down the hours until Winslow would return from home from work. Unfortunately, the clock seemed stand still. 7 o'clock seemed like a forever away time.
Finally I got my little monster, er I mean, toddler to bed. I flaked out on the couch and sat there in a blur, ignoring how it looked like a bomb went off in the living room. I sat in a blur and zoned out.
That night I went over what happened in the day. I had lost my temper at Noah at times, I had been completely frustrated and exhausted. I felt horrible that I couldn't rise above the behaviour of a toddler and demonstrate to him how to be restrained and calm and nice in the face of hardship. I felt bad that I had packed too many things into our first few days back from Ontario. I went to bed that night vowing that tomorrow would be better.
The next day I woke up to a little boy who was in a much better mood. We both seemed to be in a better mood. Less tired, less emotional, slowly getting back to the groove of things.
The day continued on with a nice rhythm. A walk down the street. A play date with a neighbour. A photo session for a client and an afternoon of just Noah and I time. Naptime was at a reasonable hour. Noah slept for 2 straight hours. We went out for a good long walk, puddle jumped and visited with Sarah and her sweet dog Skylar. We made muffins together and Noah loved it and then we enjoyed a delicious dinner of bbq'd wild salmon, grilled veggies and rice (Noah's favourite food). The day went off without a hitch and the memory of the day before faded a bit. I felt a huge sense of relief, my faith in myself as a mamma had been restored.
At some point in the day I stopped and had a nice long conversation with my sister over the phone. Her words of advice and encouragement lifted me up. She told me to let go of somethings and to reevaluate how I distribute my time. That sometimes somethings would have to be put on hold and in her exact words, let go of the Martha Stewart girl. It's true. Thank goodness for sisters who tell it like it is.
So all this to say that we are slowly but surely getting back to our daily rhythms and routines and wouldn't you agree that those things are so crucial to a mamma's day? Oh and to one up our pretty much perfect day yesterday, Noah slept in till 7:30 this morning. Oh yes, sleep and rest and happy boys and happy mammas make the world a much brighter place.
Happy Friday friends!
xox

6 comments:

  1. Oh Johanna, I've had a lot of those bad mama days recently, as I've tried to jump too quickly back into my regular routines after recovering from surgery. I've been tired and sore and weepy and lacking patience so badly. I kept trying to do too much {laundry, sweeping, tidying, etc.} and we all suffered as a result. I felt bad every time I lost my cool, and cried in front of the kids a few too many times. Sigh. The great thing is that they love and forgive me, and start each day brand new. And the past couple of days have been so much better, as I've learned to let a few things go {much like your sister suggested... sisters! they're so wise!}

    I hope you have a lovely Friday. And a wonderful weekend!
    xo

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  2. So true. Sleep makes everything better. Glad you're getting some. Hope you're getting little tastes of spring, too. Take care, lady!

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  3. What an awesome sleep-in today!
    Jo, you ARE an awesome mother! Way more calm and patient than most, and I hope you know that. And Noah just loves you: you are his best friend and his whole world right now! You can do no wrong, to him. :)

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  4. I think every mama can truly say that she has had days like that. How can we not?
    Your sister sounds like a great sister with great advice.
    The one thing I try to remind myself always is that there is no such thing as perfection, I can only try to be the best me.

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  5. Oh Johanna, I know those days! The clock seems broken, the house is a catastrophe, and mommy either joins the kids in the tantrums or in tears. It happens. Sometimes we forget to take deep breaths, and just hope the next day is better. We all know our moms aren't perfect, but it still makes us feel bad when our kids might find out we're not. ;) And kids are forgiving. It does help to remember how much tiredness impacts, it helps you be a little kinder on yourself. I've decided sleep is everything when it comes to parenting. :)

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