the promise

This past winter was an especially hard and long one. 

For so many reasons. 

It was painful and stressful and stretched me into all sorts of uncomfortable positions that I did not like at all. I'm still reeling from some of it. Still looking back ... but also looking forward. 

Like Spring that comes after Winter, I am feeling refreshed and a renewal in my spirit. 

I get out for walks and although I have experienced nearly 40 Springs in my life, this year, the miracle of Spring feels especially important to notice. 

Last November on a rare morning all to myself, I found myself randomly planting tulip and crocus bulbs all around my backyard. It was something I had meant to do in previous Falls, but I just hadn't been able to get my act together. I remember this day well. I had waited a bit too long, and the bulbs had been sitting in my garage for weeks. I knew that if I didn't do it now, it wouldn't happen... again. So I gave myself a hour and went around my back yard, digging tiny holes and planted them, pointy side facing up. I remember feeling unsure about the whole thing. Was I doing it right? Were the holes deep enough? Was it too late in the season? Despite these questions, I took a chance. I just did it. And then snow fell. 

The snow fell and the leaves all left the trees. I began to feel the need to pull back in many areas of my personal life. Things were not going well. 

It was a long and hard winter. The outside landscape matched my inner feelings. It was cold and harsh outside, just as how things felt inside of me. I was not just surviving the season of Winter outside, but I was in survival mode inside as well. But just as I described before, I have been around for nearly 40 years, and if there is anything that I have learned, it is that nothing stays as it is and that I can survive the dark winters of life.
And then, just as Winter began to give way to Spring, things slowly started to light up inside of me too. The weight on my shoulders started to lift, because instead of carrying that pain and stress, I decided to share it with someone that could help me. And we began to do the work. Work on ourselves and on us. And the buds started slowly emerging on the trees, as did the tips of the tulip and crocus bulbs that I planted. Things slowly began to shift, and I felt the miracle of it all, so profoundly.