for sarah

It's taken me a few weeks to gather my thoughts on what happened, when we received the sudden news that my sister was gravely sick. 
In less than 24hrs, we went from thinking that my sister Sarah, had acute pneumonia, to being told that she wasn't going to "make it" through the night, to being told that she had a very aggressive form of cancer. 
When we got this news, Winslow and I scrambled to get me a  flight out to Edmonton to see her. My sister and Dad found flights from Ottawa.  We didn't know if we'd make it in time. 
Upon getting there, we found her in such a scary state. In ICU she was hooked up to so many things, and we were truly scared for her (although tried so hard to hide it). 
I could only stay for 4 days to see her. It was painful to say goodbye, but I left with some peace of mind, knowing that we had time on our hands ... but just how much, we weren't exactly sure.
After 4 weeks of intensive treatment for Sarah, she received the good news that the chemo was working, and that the long term prognosis is good! It's going to be a long and hard road for her, with her treatment lasting at least 2 years, and follow up after that, but she has a second chance, and that is all that we can ask for! She is one of the strongest people I know. She has always had  a strong and determined mind, and I am certain that this is what is helping her fight this beast. 
Lately, I've been walking through my days, with an overly heightened sense of wanting to be present. While I've always considered myself to be a fairly present and grateful person, this experience has had me want to slow down and be in the now even more than ever. I feel like I owe it to Sarah, to truly feel the sun on my face, to smell those lilacs that are growing in my back yard, to make witness to my kids, friends, husband when they ask for me. 
My senses feel heightened, I want to take it in ... but I don't feel the pressure that I used to take it ALL in. I truly am enjoying this newfound permission to move slowly. Camera in hand, all expectations off, and taking in this glorious life (and that means all of it- the good and ugly) that has been gifted to me