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Wednesday, August 16, 2017

little bits and pieces

You know that feeling you get right around mid August?
Summer is still alive and well, and you know you ought to take advantage of it, but secretly deep down in your heart, you are ready to slow it down a bit.
This summer has been a strange one to me. It has sped by at an alarming rate, and part of me wonders where it all went. I sort of feel like we've been going and going, but I'm not exactly sure what we've done or accomplished. Its been busy, and we've done a lot. I'm not ready for summer to be done, but I feel that change in the air ... it's coming.
July brought us a camping trip to Cape Breton, a week of day camp for the kids, trips to Queensland Beach, Annapolis Royal and our 10 year wedding anniversary.
In August so far, we have had Amy+Anthony+family visit, as well as my sister, niece and nephew.
It's been busy, it feels busy, but I also know there have been little moments too. Moments worth remembering. Things like swinging on the swing Winslow made. Searching for sea glass. Walks on the beach with my girl. Meals on the back deck. And ice cream ... boy has there been ice cream.


This past summer has also been one of growing for me. A few weeks ago, I came to a point in a relationship with a friend, where I knew that I had to call things off. It had been a while coming. Multiple incidents had lead me to feel used, unappreciated and unvalued. I had to be honest. I had to stand up for myself. It was hard, but I am so proud of myself for doing it.
And since doing it, I have found a new sense of worth in myself. I have come to see that I need not internalize other people's behaviour and actions. That I don't need to sit there quietly and accept things as they are. That I must be my own friend first, set boundaries and that it is ok and necessary to put myself first.

A few other things that I have come to realize.

~ the term "friend" should not be thrown around lightly. A real friend is someone you can trust, rely on, and who will be there no matter what. I have some amazing friends in my life. These people know who they are, and I know who they are. They come with no strings attached. They love me for me, and I love them for them. It is simple. It is not complicated. It is real.

~ I am trying so damn hard to stay away from Facebook. I have come to the realization that Facebook makes me very unhappy. That the constant feed of people's opinions, news, updates ect, is addicting and negative. I am taking a break. It is hard. By habit (when I am nursing, or getting Wes down for a nap), I like to browse Facebook. But I am recognizing that I am addicted to it. That I mindlessly scroll through it, spending hours a day, comparing, analyzing, and internalizing other people's lives. It's just not good, and I am done for a while.

~ Self care. This is a word I have used before, but I have come to a point where I feel it is so absolutely necessary. I am about to be on my own with the kids for 2 weeks, while Winslow goes to Labrador for work. As a proactive measure, I booked in a babysitter to come 3 times, for a total of 6 hrs. During those times, I have decided that I will do things that serve myself. I will go to my favourite coffee shop. Read a book. Go for a walk. Call a friend. It will be my time to replenish.
Other thoughts on self care.... it is not about stuff (new clothes, treating to expensive items ect), it is about taking care of my needs, so that in turn, I can continue taking care of those around me that need me.
Self care looks like: a bedtime ritual, getting a good night's sleep, a hot bath, a girly TV show, lemon and mint in my water, eating a healthy grown up lunch (not someone's left over chicken nuggets), being real and honest with people around me and myself, trips to the beach, walks in the woods, coffee in the morning (or whenever I need it), things that smell good.


And so, that is it for now. I am truly feeling a sense of change in myself and in the season right now. I am doing my best to keep an open heart, for what is about to come next. I know soon we will be back to the bustle of school, activities, and life. I am looking forward to this return to normal and routine, but will also miss the lazy long mornings, and having my two older ones home so much. So these last 2 weeks will be about squeezing those final summer moments. They will also be about slowing down and savouring the moment.


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