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Wednesday, January 4, 2017

quiet


I've been spending some time lately, trying to take stock of where I am in my life. The new year does this. It makes me want to look back, to see where I've been, and to look forward to what might be.
Yesterday, I took a nice long walk through the woods with a sleeping Wesley attached to me, and Ryder who was bounding off down the trail. My goal on that walk was to get some fresh air and sun, but also to come to a decision on what my word for 2017 would be.
For the last two years, I have chosen a word to help guide me through my year. A word that would provide inspiration, a push, some support.
For my first year (2015), I chose the word PEACE. I remember I was having a very hard time while I was living in Beaver Creek. I desperately needed to find inner peace with myself and within my heart. That word was almost like a plea with myself. It was so appropriate.
Last year (2016), I chose the word ADVENTURE .... what an ambitious word for a mama with a newborn and two older busy children! I think that I chose the word adventure, to give me the motivation to get out there and just do it. I was truly scared that with 3 children, I would just end up hiding away all the time, and would chose the easy way out. I think I wanted to challenge myself... and I also just wanted to explore our new province. So yes, perhaps "adventure" was a bit ambitious for me, but I'm happy that it pushed me to take my kids hiking, to the beach, out for ice cream just because, to make bonfires on the beach, and to look at sometimes daunting tasks in a positive light.
This year, after meditating on it, I have come to my word for the year. This word was chosen out of need and reflection of where I am in my current role as a caregiver/mama. My word for 2017 is QUIET.
Right now, I'll be honest, my life feels a bit chaotic and, well, loud. I often find myself asking the kids to lower their voices, turn down the TV, or I find myself seeking refuge in silence. For some reason, I find myself very sensitive to noise. The TV, the radio, the crying, the yelling, the fighting, the pots being clanged by Wes. It's overly loud, all the time.
When I take a moment to turn down the radio, get the kids to find a quiet activity, or I finally get the overly tired/crying baby down for a nap, I can just feel the tension start to dissolve, and it's such a relief.
But not only am I seeking quiet in the literal and obvious way, I am also seeking to find quiet in my mind and heart. While I was out on my walk, I came to the conclusion, that my walks in the woods, truly are my way of meditating, and how I just need that time to allow my mind to be quiet (away from demands, away from technology, away from responsibilities). My mind needs time and space to just be, and my heart needs that too.
My word this year is truly an inward word. One that reflects and acknowledges my present day needs. Last year's word was a push to get out there. It was almost an affirmation, telling me that I could do it. This year, I am looking to take care of my needs, in recognition that I can't help anyone else, if I don't take care of myself too.
xox

1 comment:

  1. You are not alone in this at all. I bet if you ask any mama of young children to identify what sets off a stressful reaction, it is noise. Even the most Natasha morin-esque mamas find chaotic noise triggers a shutdown response. Enjoy your quiet walks :)

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