While I completely understand that she was coming from a kind place, it hurt me to read that. I was reaching out for some company, because truthfully, I feel very isolated these days, and while I enjoy being home with my baby, I am needing more connection. More sense of community. More than just being a caregiver.
Multiple strings of illness in our family has left this winter to be an isolating one. On more than one occasion, our plans have been cancelled due to us not being well, and the lack of interaction has left me feeling a void. Weeks have gone by, where I don't see, connect or socialize with anyone but my immediate family. I know that I need a balance of social and alone time ... I need that balance for my happiness and well being.
Right now I am identifying a need to connect on a greater level. The life of a transient RCMP family is hard. Starting over, again and again is hard. Being 2 provinces away from family and old friends is hard. Making close ties and leaving them is hard. Maintaining friendships across the country is hard.
I've been trying to reach out to friends close by, but it seems as though people are just really busy. I turn to social media to fill that missing void and it is simply not enough. It feels hard, and then the self doubt and insecurities set in.
I know that this is going to take work. It's going to take turn downs. It's going to take me putting myself out there in uncomfortable situations, introducing myself to strangers, seeing if there is a friend connection. I think as I get older, I am finding this more and more difficult.
Update - I wrote this post a week ago - but didn't have time to publish it...
Since I wrote this, I decided to reach out to some people outside of my small circle of friends to see if we might have a connection. I had a fellow RCMP spouse come over for lunch, went for a walk with a neighbour, and had the same neighbour and her family over for dinner.
I think it's been good for me to push myself to meet other people, and to make the conscious effort of trying. It's not always easy or comfortable, but I am happy to say that I've made some connections, and I'm feeling better for it.