Tuesday, May 24, 2011
on feeling present
Lately I've been finding myself in a bit of struggle. It's sort of an on going issue I have with myself. It's about trying to find balance and be in the present.
In general, I do my very best to be a positive person. It try, sometimes very hard, to be a glass half full type of gal, even if I have to fake it. But from time to time I have my days where everything is just a bit more difficult. Where my emotions run high and I feel sensitive about the littlest of things. This is who I am, it's who I have always been and will always be. The problem I face is that when I'm having a bad set of days , I feel this sort of disappointment in myself and the world around me and that is a terrible and yucky feeling to feel.
My step mother is a Buddhist and has told me a little bit about her beliefs in being present for the good and bad. That we can't be hung up on only the good and that we have to live and feel both the good and bad. This lesson is one that I feel I could benefit from if practiced more in my daily life.
Lately I've been having this strong feeling of being homesick and missing the East Coast. All of a sudden, I'll be in the middle of the parking lot at the grocery store and I'll get this pang of homesickness for the Maritimes. It's been a reoccurring experience lately and it's been a bit consuming at times. As some of you may know, with my husband's field of work, we have the opportunity to move around the country every few years and at some point we will have the choice to choose our next posting. Lately discussions of moving to the East Coast have come up and it makes me get very excited for the possibility of it. It's all so exciting to think ahead and look forward to the future, especially when I'm feeling homesick, but I have to stop and remind myself, what about the now? What about the present? What if I am missing out on what is right in front of me right now.
Without getting all cheesy and Hallmarky on you, I do have to say that I think there is something to be said about the gift of the present. Life can change, for the worse or the best, in a second and when all is said and done, all that we have is the now. When something tragic happens to someone, I find comfort in the hope that they might have lived a full life and hopefully enjoyed the experiences that they had. As I continue to mature and go through life, I've come to the realization that life shouldn't be taken for granted and that so many things can change over time.
When I hear of a life changing surprise that happens to someone, like an unexpected pregnancy or adoption or a big career move, I get sort of goose bumpy because it brings me down from my ideas about what life is and for a moment tells me that letting go of control and living in the present is pretty amazing. And so as I continue on with my day to day life, the good and the bad, I will try to remind myself to be more present and to accept what I have in front of me. The good, the bad and the in between. Because it is beautiful. All of it. Life is beautiful and it is a gift.