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Tuesday, May 24, 2011

on feeling present

Lately I've been finding myself in a bit of struggle. It's sort of an on going issue I have with myself. It's about trying to find balance and be in the present.
In general, I do my very best to be a positive person. It try, sometimes very hard, to be a glass half full type of gal, even if I have to fake it. But from time to time I have my days where everything is just a bit more difficult. Where my emotions run high and I feel sensitive about the littlest of things. This is who I am, it's who I have always been and will always be. The problem I face is that when I'm having a bad set of days , I feel this sort of disappointment in myself and the world around me and that is a terrible and yucky feeling to feel.
My step mother is a Buddhist and has told me a little bit about her beliefs in being present for the good and bad. That we can't be hung up on only the good and that we have to live and feel both the good and bad. This lesson is one that I feel I could benefit from if practiced more in my daily life.
Lately I've been having this strong feeling of being homesick and missing the East Coast. All of a sudden, I'll be in the middle of the parking lot at the grocery store and I'll get this pang of homesickness for the Maritimes. It's been a reoccurring experience lately and it's been a bit consuming at times. As some of you may know, with my husband's field of work, we have the opportunity to move around the country every few years and at some point we will have the choice to choose our next posting. Lately discussions of moving to the East Coast have come up and it makes me get very excited for the possibility of it. It's all so exciting to think ahead and look forward to the future, especially when I'm feeling homesick, but I have to stop and remind myself, what about the now? What about the present? What if I am missing out on what is right in front of me right now.
Without getting all cheesy and Hallmarky on you, I do have to say that I think there is something to be said about the gift of the present. Life can change, for the worse or the best, in a second and when all is said and done, all that we have is the now. When something tragic happens to someone, I find comfort in the hope that they might have lived a full life and hopefully enjoyed the experiences that they had. As I continue to mature and go through life, I've come to the realization that life shouldn't be taken for granted and that so many things can change over time.
When I hear of a life changing surprise that happens to someone, like an unexpected pregnancy or adoption or a big career move, I get sort of goose bumpy because it brings me down from my ideas about what life is and for a moment tells me that letting go of control and living in the present is pretty amazing. And so as I continue on with my day to day life, the good and the bad, I will try to remind myself to be more present and to accept what I have in front of me. The good, the bad and the in between. Because it is beautiful. All of it. Life is beautiful and it is a gift.


  1. Love the purple toes! And your plants/herbs are growing so much. You'll have so many delicious things to eat this summer!

    As for the east coast, I feel that same heartache and pain that you do, and it hits me just the same...when I least expect it. Sometimes if takes days for the feeling to subside, but for me...that feeling never goes away. It's just such a huge part of who I am...Some days it makes me really sad, and I sometimes just wish I could forget and move on. But I can't...

    All Maritimers (whether by birth or adopted), yearn for that familiar place we call "home". As comfy as we may get elsewhere, as good as some days may be, and as thankful as we may be for the gift of the present, it's just never the same. I really hope you get the opportunity to go East on your next posting!! How awesome would that be!! I also hope that I'll see you there eventually. It's our dream to get back there, too. Chin up, and just know that you're not alone! :)

  2. This is a really honest post, and so I love it! I hope it helped you too, to give voice and tangible words to your feelings. I firmly believe in what your stepmother says: that in order to appreciate the highs in life, you have to know the lows.

  3. I struggle to live in the moment. I am a planner and I get caught up in the future and forget about the present. I constantly count the hours, days, months, until I get to the point where I yearned to be, only to begin counting again towards something else. I like your stepmothers attitude and plan to adopt that into my life a little more.

  4. Very well said. I think it's a struggle we all have from time to time.

    Your images are beautiful, by the way.

  5. Whenever we run into people who spent time in the north and are now living in the south they always say their time up here was some of the most memorable in their lives.

    Definitely try to make the most of your time up here. Especially before you head back to the hectic life of the south.

  6. Thanks for this honest and heart-felt post.
    I can really relate. I tend to get nostalgic for the past or fantasize about the future, and sometime neglect the beauty and blessings of the moment. Going into nature usually helps ground me in the moment.
    I think it's great that you blog, so that you have an outlet for these thoughts and reflections.
    I've been wondering now for a while if or when Noah will get a little brother or sister. :)
    Sending you love and a little water to fill that half-empty glass,

  7. I appreciate your honesty in your post, all your posts really.

    Funny thing about travel, I find I take a piece of each 'home' with me and in doing so I pine for each place...

    If you come East I hope we can meet up for lattes and some pinterest ohhh and ahhhhing!


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