I think it is a combination of things but for the most part it is that we are so far from our family and friends and right now, I just miss them all so much. And the fact that I will be flying home the day after Christmas just has me almost wanting to skip ahead to the 26th and that's terrible...wanting to skip through Christmas.
It's such a strange feeling though. I've always been the one to put on the Christmas music in October (which I did, but it didn't help) and the first one to get my decorations up, but this year I don't seem to mind that it's other people who are all gung-ho and not me. I'm starting to worry myself.
But you know, the more I think about it, this may be all okay.
For years and years, Christmas has meant a lot to me for all sorts of reasons like spending time with family, having parties, making gifts, buying gifts, decorating and filling the home with lovely scents and that's still all important to me but just not in an extreme sort of way. Yes, yes I will still get all Martha-y don't you worry, but I think I'm starting to let go of my high hopes, high expectations and the inevitable high disappointments that come along with all the pressure to make Christmas "perfect".
You've heard it here first folks, I am letting go of the "perfect" Christmas in exchange for a simple, quiet, peaceful and magical Christmas, with no pressure. Things like walks in the woods, candles burning bright through the darkness, going to church to reflect on the meaning of the season, having Noah participate in his first nativity pageant and spending real quality time with my little family here will be the focus of the Christmas season...the other things will fall into place.
And so yesterday despite being uncertain of what exactly was getting me down about Christmas, I took Noah for a walk on the path behind our house in the freshly fallen snow. The air was chilly and heavily scented with smoke from nearby chimneys. The trees were blanketed with the most beautiful powdery snow I had ever seen and I got inspired. Inspired about Christmas and what type of Christmas I want to create for myself and my family.
Happy Christmas lead up everyone!