When I was finally able to hold him after a 30plus hour labour and an emergency c-section all I could think and feel was relief that he was here safe and sound.
I remember the very first thing I wanted to do was to breast feed him. My labour and delivery didn't go as I had wanted to, but I was determined that we would bond and connect over breast feeding, so there right after my surgery I held him and nursed him as best I could.
I remember feeling very weak but all I wanted to do was to tend to our little Noah, he was so tiny and so perfect.
Much of that day was a blur to me but in the end I remember mostly that Winslow and I were overjoyed with happiness and overcome with emotions of all kinds. We couldn't stop looking at him, he was the best gift we could've ever been given. Those first few hours were so amazing, to go from being independent adults to becoming parents, it was such a rush. I don't think we slept a wink for a good few days because we were on such a high.
Now-fast forward a year and I am lying here in bed with my two guys beside me. It's late at night (the night before his birthday) and I'm in disbelief that a whole year of Noah's life has gone by.
A year isn't all that much when we think in adult terms, sure it's just another notch on the belt, but in terms of childhood so much happens in a year. Noah has gone from being a teeny tiny helpless baby to become a little baby boy who is showing so much of his personality and growing in so many ways. It amazes me to see how far he has come, all the changes he has made.
As with most parents, I want the best for Noah out of life. For each person, the best out of life means something different and whose to even say that Noah will appreciate this or not...but still here is what I wish for my son as he continues to grow.
My hopes and dreams for Noah are simple. My hopes are that Noah will find something in his life that brings him happiness, whether it be that he is an artists or an athlete, an academic or a traveller, a chef or a teacher...I hope that he finds something in life that will make him truly happy and that he will embrace and honour whatever talents that are given to him.
I hope he will learn to embrace life as it comes and to be open to life experiences. I hope he will learn to trust himself and will learn from the many mistakes that he will inevitably make in life. I hope he will always know that he can come to us for help and that it is okay to lean on the people who love him for support when he needs it.
And finally, I hope that he will find love, love in the many ways that love exists. I hope he will feel love everyday from the people that he surrounds himself with. And I hope he will learn to feel love from God, because God loves everyone. I hope that he will always know that he is loved and in turn love those that are around him. I hope that he will be a caring soul (I know that he already is) and remember to love thy neighbour as thyself.
And so those are my wishes for Noah....that he will become the person that he is meant to be and that he will know everyday of his life that he is loved.
Today will be a joyous day of going to the pool, having fun with some new friends that we have made, eating good food and having special cupcakes...a very special birthday for a little boy who turns one today. So happy birthday dearest Noah, you bring so much joy to everyone around you. You are a gift from God that I am eternally grateful for. You are loved very very much.