home is where the heart is

Our big upcoming move to Whitehorse has had me thinking, once again about the idea of home and what and where that really might be for me. My close friends and family will know that moving around is not something new to me, over the last 10 years or so I have moved to at least 8 different towns or cities, this summer will make it 9. So it might surprise some to know that I really don't like moving all that much, in fact I actually hate it. It's not the packing up of things so much that gets to me, but it's the unsettled feeling of not having a home that gets to me.

For the later part of my childhood my homelife was somewhat messy. With a family breakdown, parents leaving, and being in the care of my older sisters, I think what I craved most during that time was some stability and normalcy. I think it was through that experience that I really developed a strong desire to have a real home, one where I felt safe and secure. This is something that I still strive to create on a daily basis- a comforting, safe home.

Once I turned 19 I moved to Halifax to go to art school and continued on for the next 6 years moving in and out of apartments, living in different towns for school (Halifax, Montreal, Kingston) and all along I just hated the idea of not having a real home. Without sounding too sorry for myself, I must share with you that I also didn't have a family home to return to for holidays and such...so this desire to someday have my own home only grew stronger and stronger.

Fast forward to last summer. I was big and pregnant and of course the last thing that any big and pregnant woman wants to do is move, but move we did and we bought our first house. It was absolutely the home of my dreams. Sweet and cottage like, with a front screen door, original hard wood floors, a gorgeous kitchen and a lovely backyard. It was where we would eventually bring Noah home for the first time from the hospital and where we would celebrate all his first holidays. I honestly thought that it was too good to be true and that it really wasn't our home. But it was. It was our home. Our first home and we have so loved this house.

So when last January came around and my husband was offered a transfer to move up North I think it's fair to say that my very first concern and thought went straight to our home. How could we ever leave this beautiful home I thought. I think also, a little part of my inner child started to feel that uprooted and unstable feeling that I had felt through my childhood...not a good feeling I tell you. I really didn't want to have to leave it. But despite being scared and feeling vulnerable and after much discussion, Winslow and I agreed that we would accept that transfer and so we prepared our house to sell.

It only took 3 days for our sweet little home to sell and I'm not the least bit surprised. The new owners seem very lovely and this home will suit them well. But I am sad and not quite ready to part with this place, or maybe it's the memories that I can't bear to leave.

I know that it is not healthy to attach myself to belongings and physical things, but in this case, is a home a physical thing? I don't believe it is.

To me, home represents memories, a feeling of safety and security. It's where we have sat down and had many a delicious family meal and it's where we have welcomed our friends and family. It's where I did my Christmas baking this year and where Noah has spent the first year of his life. This is the place where it has all happened and the truth is is that it is going to be really hard to say goodbye to this chapter in our life.

Recently my friend Alena and I were talking and she mentioned that I should do a blog post about our home (she always has great ideas for blogs posts that I should do). A tour of sorts so that I could look back in years to come on our first home. So I thought I'd share the photos that we took when we put our house up on the market. And no our house does not normally look that clean, we and when I say we I mean Winslow worked his butt off to get the house looking that sparkly and pretty.

So there it is. Our home that we will be saying goodbye to in just over a month. I will miss you dear home. I only hope that we can someday find one just as nice, but if anything is to be learned, it's the memories and people in the house that are the most important.