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Sunday, July 19, 2009

I love him so much


I have such an assortment of feelings right now. I am now 35 weeks pregnant and am in that place where I am very excited for our little boy to come into this world but scared and nervous at the same time. I feel overwhelmed and yet strangely in control. A host of different emotions, all balled up into one.
I have so many thoughts about becoming a mama.
Like, how will the labour go and will he be safe and healthy (*those are my biggest fears). Also, will we be ready? Materialistically and mentally?
I also wonder, how will I feel about not being pregnant anymore? I know this may seem like a strange thought, but I really think that I will miss the feeling of having him inside of me.
I've heard many many times from different mamas that the second that your baby is placed in your arms that you instantly feel a love that you have never felt before. That emotions you never knew you had come out. I also hear that you won't believe how fast they grow. That they go from being a new born to a toddler over night and I find myself sad by this thought already. I don't want him to grow too fast. I'm sad that my baby who isn't even born yet will grow so quickly.
Am I crazy to think like this before he is even born? Maybe. But I am emotional right now. Happy and at peace yet overwhelmed and confused at the same time. I make excuses and tell people that it is pregnancy hormones that make me so emotional. But really why should I make excuses for my emotions? This is the single most important event that will happen to me. I am going from being an independent adult to being someone's mother. I am going to be someone's entire world, well for the first part of his life at least. If this thought doesn't blow my mind, I don't know what will.
In the end I don't think I should worry so much about the little things and I don't think I should make excuses for my feelings. I am about to start on a brand new journey. A journey that will change my entire world. And I am ready for it because my heart tells me so.

4 comments:

  1. oh hot damn Jo. you just made me cry.

    you really articulated how scary and wondrous motherhood really is. I feel that way about being a kindergarten teacher actually. just knowing how attune my students are to everything I say and do.... it`s a lot of responsibility but man oh man is it ever worth it.

    you`re going to be such an amazing mom, gosh that kid is lucky!!!

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  2. oh congrats! how lovely to know that a little baby boy will soon look up at his mother smiling face...such a magical post!


    I am from montreal living in providence!

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  3. Oh, you are so ready to be a Mom! All of those feelings are so on mark. A time of wonder is about to start. Congratulations!

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  4. Thanks everyone. I am getting very excited for what is about to happen. Excited and nervous. But really, I just can't wait.

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