I have such an assortment of feelings right now. I am now 35 weeks pregnant and am in that place where I am very excited for our little boy to come into this world but scared and nervous at the same time. I feel overwhelmed and yet strangely in control. A host of different emotions, all balled up into one.
I have so many thoughts about becoming a mama.
Like, how will the labour go and will he be safe and healthy (*those are my biggest fears). Also, will we be ready? Materialistically and mentally?
I also wonder, how will I feel about not being pregnant anymore? I know this may seem like a strange thought, but I really think that I will miss the feeling of having him inside of me.
I've heard many many times from different mamas that the second that your baby is placed in your arms that you instantly feel a love that you have never felt before. That emotions you never knew you had come out. I also hear that you won't believe how fast they grow. That they go from being a new born to a toddler over night and I find myself sad by this thought already. I don't want him to grow too fast. I'm sad that my baby who isn't even born yet will grow so quickly.
Am I crazy to think like this before he is even born? Maybe. But I am emotional right now. Happy and at peace yet overwhelmed and confused at the same time. I make excuses and tell people that it is pregnancy hormones that make me so emotional. But really why should I make excuses for my emotions? This is the single most important event that will happen to me. I am going from being an independent adult to being someone's mother. I am going to be someone's entire world, well for the first part of his life at least. If this thought doesn't blow my mind, I don't know what will.
In the end I don't think I should worry so much about the little things and I don't think I should make excuses for my feelings. I am about to start on a brand new journey. A journey that will change my entire world. And I am ready for it because my heart tells me so.