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Thursday, March 20, 2014

a moment of clarity





He looked at me with the brightest, most innocent and wondering eyes. "What will I do when I'm bigger Mommy?  He had overheard my father in law talking to me. My father in law had just finished saying, that someday, my kids will be all grown up and will not want to spend their time with me. That it goes by far too quickly. He said this all with a tinge of sadness and longing in his tone.
I explained to Noah what Lolo was saying. That someday, he will be too busy and grown up to want to spend all of his time with me. But all I could see was confusion in his eyes.
"No Mama, that will never happen. I'm always going to want to be with you." he said earnestly. And all I could think at that moment, was thank God.
Thank God, that I have right now. Thank God that it is not the future. Thank God, I have him and all of his attention right now. Right now, my boy wants to be with me and I am thankful that I have these moments, to just be with him.
If this sounds a little a long the lines of Hands Free Mama, that would be because it is inspired by her book. If you haven't had the chance to read this great book and are looking for some inspiration and direction in your parenting journey (or just journey in general), I highly recommend it.
Lately I have found myself to be naturally stepping away from the major distractions in my life, namely Facebook. It started slowly, and it was hard. I'd have to fight the urge to check the internet (as I used to do somewhere near 20 times a day!), and limit myself to short and less amounts of internet time. It scares me to admit it, but I think I was/am addicted to the internet. It is still an ongoing struggle for me some days, but I am happy to report that my outlook on life and direction is more in tune with what I want and need for myself.
Since quieting the distractions in my life I've been able to do more of what is truly valuable to me, and I am noticing how much more happy it makes me. Things like learning how to play the ukulele, painting more, writing letters to friends and taking more pictures (for myself). It has amazed me to see how much more satisfied I feel without the noise and energy suck that is social media.
So what then will I do about blogging? Is blogging an energy suck for me too? Happily, I can report, it is not. Blogging has never been something that makes me feel down about myself. Nor have I ever felt tied down to it or as though I need to check it constantly. I use my blog to record my thoughts, feelings, observations, and the day to day happenings in our life. For now I will continue on my way with it. I have thought about turning my blog into a personal blog (not making it public), and that is something that may or may not happen down the road. I've often thought about the repercussions of putting our life out there in the big wide web world. Not sure how it sits with me. But for now, I am here.
xox


5 comments:

  1. i hope you don't feel that i am intruding when i leave comments but your life is a lot like mine was long ago. i never really thought about my kids being gone until it was about to happen and i cried constantly. it was awful when they left but i helped them go and supported their choices. and all these years later, one is living at home and the other is a block away. leaving our parents home is a relatively new idea when you think about it. fifty years ago, most of us lived with our parents/ grandparents or very close by.

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    1. Hello Jaz! Never do I feel that you are intruding by leaving a comment, if anything, I should be better at replying and popping by other blogs.

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  2. What a sweet boy you have. I've been stepping away as well but its hard as I'm rebranding my business and neing on Facebook and Twitter is part of my work. Still, when my daughter is home, my laptop transforms into a music box and nothing more.

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  3. It is one of the best parts of being a mother - knowing that those children are YOURS and that they are happy to be yours! Social media is such a time sucker and mental drain. I really limit what I do and don't get sucked in. Living real life is much more important.

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  4. Am SO happy you came by my blog and left a note so I could find you. This was beautifully written and you've expressed the difference between FB and blogging so well. I have only recently joined FB so that I could see my kids' photos without them having to send them to me specially. I have been pleased to get back in touch with people I haven't connected with other than Christmas cards, but I see it as a very different medium from my blog. I visit FB in quick bursts, check in, and leave. Here I sit and think about what I want to say, and read blogs slowly and thoughtfully and try to comment when I can.

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