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Tuesday, June 4, 2013

here we go...





















Here we go again. This familiar feeling of not knowing what is coming next. This feeling of being uncertain, scared, sad to leave. We will be moving in just a few weeks and after doing this moving thing many times in my life, I know that it is not something that I particularly love. Just being honest.
Last week and weekend we headed off to our new town to see what our new home will look like and to check out the community. I have mixed feelings about the community itself, and it's probably best not to delve into my impressions of it right now, as I am feeling a bit raw and would most likely say something that I will regret later. All I can say is that it is very different from anything I have ever known, and it will take some time for me to get used to it. But I will get used to it, and I will find the positive in it no matter what.
For me, the hard part of leaving Whitehorse behind is that I really do feel so settled here. I have made such amazing friends here, who truly have been my life line at many times. I am sad to leave them behind and worry that I will feel lonely. I know that I will make good friends in out new town (I already have), but I am sad (simply put) to say goodbye to my good friends here. Yes, I will be back to visit often, but I won't be able to just pop by when I am having a bad day or get together with them for a play date for the kids. We knew this was coming and for us, it is part of the lifestyle that we chose a long time ago. But still, it doesn't make it any easier for me.
It just feels like every few years, when I get settled in somewhere, be it with work, friends or our house, inevitably we get transferred. And then I have to start all over again. Eventually I will start to feel at home, but I hate how I have to give everything up. It feels so cruel.
I know this sounds down. I know I've been sounding down for a while. I hope it's not too worrisome.
I have been thinking of positive ways that I can make it through the next two years. I want to make some goals for myself that will help me to feel like I am accomplishing something and that I m doing something positive.
I have some goals to work on my art and paint. This is something that I have put aside for a few years (as I jumped in to photography). I am feeling ready to get back into painting and have decided that I will carve out a period of time each week to tuck myself away and paint. I have a goal of getting a show together (or enough work for a Christmas art sale)... we will see. Painting is something that I do for me, and it's been a long time since I have had the time for it... but now I will.
I also have decided that I will get back into teaching in some capacity. Whether it be supply teaching or doing an "Artist in the School" program that our government offers, I think it would be good for me to build up my resume and teaching skills once again. It's been a long time. I wonder if I have it in me? Also, could I teach all different grades at once? Also, could I teach Noah? He will be in school next year.
I also want to get involved in the community in one way or another. I have a few ideas up my sleeve for things that I could do with the kids/youth in the community, so we'll just have to see how things pan out.
And finally I plan on having a little exercise routine now that we will have use of the detachment gym (it will be right next door to me, so no excuses!)
So there we have it. Some positive goals to go into our new posting with.
I am going to sign off with some pictures from our trip to Beaver Creek and Anchorage. The trip was crazy and long and full of driving.....but it was a fun little adventure. I wasn't all that impressed with Anchorage to be honest with you. We didn't have time for the zoo or museum which would've been fun, but to me, it just felt like a big American city in the North. In other parts of Alaska, I have been really impressed by the laid back attitudes and chilled out vibe... but in Anchorage I felt like people were stressed and a couple of times we saw some people fighting on the street. It made me feel uneasy.
Anyways, the scenery driving there and back was spectacular. We saw lot's of wildlife and beautiful mountain ranges. We allowed Noah to pick out any toy he wanted at a store in Anchorage and he chose the ugliest Hulk mask you have ever seen. I think it's hilarious. Check out the "family portrait" we took on the side of the road. Someone replaced my gorgeous Noah with a scary Hulk!
xox

5 comments:

  1. hang in there. I find it takes a good solid year to feel like you fit in with a new place and sometimes in these rural Northern places we will always be the outsiders. You'll find big black storm clouds of gloom followed by rainbows of happiness. It's a crazy walk and sometimes it is mentally exhausting especially when you have to slap on a happy face despite how you are really feeling. Noah's school looks adorable and trying to get involved is one sure fire way to try and fill the void but don't get discouraged if it seems like your effort is hardly appreciated. You have a way of drawing people into you, I'm sure you'll find your way.

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  2. Maybe next year is the perfect year to finally take a crack at our children's book project. I can have the text together over the summer!

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    1. Julia!!!! Yes!!!! Yes!!! Yes!!!!

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  3. it's hard...all of it...no matter where you go. but isolation is super hard. this one goes fast. and then after you have choice and you don't let staffing tell you otherwise. And then you can settle. find the place you want to plant yourself. you are so close! it will go fast!

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