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Tuesday, October 18, 2011

going easy and gently on ourselves and the ones we love


I was going to write a post about how beautiful the snow was this morning or just how wonderful it was to sip away at coffee all morning and sit around the table doing crafts with my boy. These things are all true and did happen but sadly our morning went a bit down hill when I attempted to take Noah to our regular play group that we both seemed to enjoy going to, and I think I need to sit down and write about my thoughts on what happened because I learned a valuable lesson from it.
Ever since returning to Whitehorse about 2 weeks ago Noah has shown a great discomfort with going to any of our scheduled play groups or activities (Mother Goose). These activities used to be enjoyed by him but for some reason, for the last 2 weeks, every time I try to take him to one of these activities we get a full blown panic, crying and sobbing episode. It's had me worried. This isn't like Noah, he usually loves these activities. I should add, he knows the people who run the groups, has friends there and knows the other mamas who attend....why is it so upsetting for him?
I'm of the mind set that I shouldn't just give in and not attempt to go. So each time I see him putting up a fuss, I tell him that we will just go in for a few minutes and that if he really doesn't like it after giving it a try, that we will leave. Well, we've had to leave at least on 2 different occasions in the past week.
One mama this morning said that maybe he is picking up on the changes that are happening in the home. He seems to be talking a lot about having a baby sister and maybe he's just sensing that things are going to change. Children are sensitive to change and maybe he's just trying to deal with it. That could be it.
Another mom friend of mine suggested that it could just be a faze. It might just be too overwhelming and that he is trying to tell me that he just doesn't want to be there. My friend said, children are good at expressing their feelings. We need to listen and recognize those feelings.
I think both of these suggestions make sense. There have been times in my life where I feel overwhelmed and tired and sad, and having to go into big rooms with lots of people just doesn't make me feel good. Maybe it's as simple as that.
So my realization after these past few failed attempts of taking Noah to places that make him stressed out are that I need to be more aware and sensitive to what Noah is telling me. Just as we all need to listen to our inner voice, I need to listen to what Noah is really saying.
I guess I feel a bit guilty for pushing him to do something that he really doesn't want to do. It's not like these play groups and activities are of major importance. They are for fun, but clearly Noah isn't having fun at them. I've been in that position myself where I have pushed myself into uncomfortable situations and I really think that it is important to listen to our needs. So this is my mama lesson for myself this week. Really try to be aware of all our personal needs. Not just the physical ones, but the emotional ones. Oh, and to go easy on ourselves too.
Hope you are having a peaceful and restful week so far dear friends.
xox

4 comments:

  1. It think this is something everyone can be aware of. I love your writing and wisdom. xo.

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  2. Noah is so lucky to have such an intuitive and sensitive mama!

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  3. I would think that if you give it a rest and listen to his needs right now, he may ask to go back one of these days. He's little, just a wee lad and this won;t have any effect on him as a grown boy. My son was the one that refused to go to kindergarten and actually bit her when she tried to force him onto the classroom. There is a note in his permanent school record apologizing for that. In hindsight I found out that something had upset him and some of the other kids and the teacher had not addressed it. She should have been the one writing an apology to him!.

    He's telling you he needs space from there. This phase will pass. He will be more confident if he knows you respect his feelings which you obviously do. It is always a worry when they go through these little things....don't dwell on it and it will pass quickly. Big hug to mama, because these things upset mothers....I know.

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  4. This is such a thoughtful post, Jo. Big hugs to you and the little man. xo

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